


more than survive

by brerediddy



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slow Burn, Spiderman AU, jeremy is spiderman, kind of graphic mention of injury but i don't think it's bad, michael doesn't know, pretty standard spiderman au, the squip is there
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-21
Updated: 2018-11-16
Packaged: 2018-11-17 03:07:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 38,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11266665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brerediddy/pseuds/brerediddy
Summary: "Jeremy couldn’t believe that he kept getting himself into such bad situations. Sure, he was a superhero now, but mostly, he just felt like an idiot."Michael doesn't know, but Jeremy Heere is Spider-Man. He isn't sure if he can balance vigilante justice, high school, and a crush on his best friend all at the same time. To make matters worse, his new enemy is a cocky know-it-all who glows, for god's sake. Sometimes, doing the right thing is a pain in the ass.





	1. all in all, a not too heinous day

**Author's Note:**

> so the bmc spiderman au has taken over my life and i just had to write one. i want to give a s/o to @gayradwhitedad and @staygoldponyboy on tumblr because i'm pretty sure they're the origin of this au. also s/o to no such mirrors by @kalopsia on here which completely inspired me to write my own fic.
> 
> "everyone has a part of themselves they hide. even from the people they love most." -aunt may (tasm 2)

When Jeremy thought about death, he didn’t exactly imagine it like this. He had figured that he would live a mediocre life and peacefully go in his sleep or something. He wasn’t sure how he’d gone from that ideal to another one so suddenly, but he was Probably Dying at this very moment so it didn’t really matter. He looked around, ignoring the guilt settling in his stomach. He owed Michael an explanation for his death, he owed his father one. But if he truly didn’t make it through this, then they would never get that. Regardless, the people he had saved—they were okay. That’s what mattered. They were securely up on the dock, out of the line of fire, and Jeremy accepted that he was the only one left in it. The burning pain in his shoulderblades brought him back to reality as the boat split even wider, wires and shrapnel falling into the river below. He was in the middle of two giant halves of machinery, webs slung onto various pipes and supports of each. He hung between it all, sparks flying and bouncing off of the red and blue fabric of his suit. He was pretty sure that it was torn in various places judging from the cool air hitting his back, but that wasn’t his primary concern right now. He could worry about that when he got home. _If_ he got home.

Jeremy considered his options. The civilians were safe and the boat was cleared except for himself and the man who had seemingly disappeared. He could let the vessel sink and web out of the situation, make it home in time for dinner. However, he knew that the man responsible for this mess was still in the area. He could sense him. And he couldn’t just let him get away, not when he was dangerous enough to split a boat in half and almost drown two-hundred people. His arms ached for reprieve, his muscles felt rather numb. He needed a solution.

At the click of a gun—too soft for Original Jeremy to hear, but loud enough to stall his too-quickly-beating heart now that he was Spider-Man—his head turned towards the sound. He saw his opponent out of the corner of his eye, standing on deteriorating tiles behind him, and even worse, he saw a pistol. The man smiled and cocked his head and in an instant, Jeremy made a decision. He threw one arm over his chest, releasing the left side of the boat and letting it sink. In the process of turning his body, he webbed a free-falling sheet of metal and swung it at the other man. The momentum of the action twisted his back painfully and he was vaguely aware of gunshots. None of them hit him except for one that lightly grazed his thigh, adding yet another tear to his suit. He gritted his teeth and released the metal, letting it freely hit the man. Jeremy watched as he fell into the river. Dead weight. He turned away as he heard the splash, quickly webbing to the scaffolding near the dock and leaving the rest of the boat to fade into the water. Ignoring the prying eyes of the civilians, Jeremy webbed out of the city.

As he arrived home, he climbed in through the window and collapsed onto his bed. “ _Man, that sucked_ ,” he said in a hushed whisper to himself. Now that the adrenaline of the situation had decreased, he became aware of a hundred aches and pains. His back felt like it was stuck in about three places, his arms and shoulders were still on fire and lightly bleeding through the fabric due to scrapes and cuts from the falling metal. He could feel burn marks along his back, probably from the sparks, although the areas of his body in which the suit hadn’t torn seemed to be okay. He knew that his thigh would be the worst of it all and pushed himself up into a sitting position. The fact that he couldn’t feel the injury concerned him, but he figured that he must have stopped registering it in shock. He poked at the irritated skin, seeing where it was torn open and bloody, but felt nothing. All he could feel was lightheadedness and he realized that he should probably do something. He hobbled his way into the bathroom, pulling off his suit and mask in the process.

Jeremy reached for a black hand-towel and pushed it over the wound, unsure of what he should do. His powers would allow him to heal more quickly, but it wasn’t instant and that didn’t really help anything in the moment. He applied more pressure, trying to stop the bleeding. After what felt like hours, he finally pulled the towel away and could view the wound without too much blood. He bit his lip and reached for the medical tape that he knew was under the counter. He’d stocked up on first-aid supplies after his first bout of crime fighting and had been generally pretty thankful for his own forward thinking every time since then. He pulled out a thick pad of gauze, as well, and pushed it against his leg. He wrapped the tape around his thigh as many times as he needed to until the gauze was secure and let out a sigh. _Now_ , he could relax. He looked himself over in the mirror, adjusting his eyes to his image. His face seemed relatively unmarked except for a small bruise just above his jawline, but it was nothing. He saw the newly-dried blood along the various marks on his biceps and forearm and grimaced, but he could hide that easily enough. Turning around, he could see the reddened burns trailing down his back along with a few more cuts and bruises.

What he needed was a shower. He’d shower and feel halfway human again. Fall asleep early and load up on Advil in the morning. Jeremy turned on the water and stepped in. The heat burned his injuries but he was careful to keep his thigh out of the stream and the dull ache of the water was actually pretty comforting. As he cleaned up, he couldn’t help but give himself a small, _metaphorical_ , pat on the back. He’d saved two-hundred lives today. Not too shabby.

Jeremy stepped out of the shower, dried off, brushed his teeth, and threw on some boxers before collapsing into his bed yet again. It was much too early for him to go to sleep, but the exhaustion in his bones helped with that. As he dozed off, he could make out the buzz of his phone but chose to ignore it.

-

The next morning, as light shone in through his window, Jeremy groaned. If the pain he was in yesterday was bad, then this was hell. He could feel every ache in his bones, every sting of each cut, every burn from the marks on his back. His thigh was almost blindingly painful, but as he pulled off the gauze, it _did_ look better than it had the previous evening. He moved into the bathroom to replace the bandage and got dressed for school, wincing with each motion. As he eyed the injuries to his arms, he decided to pull on his usual cardigan. He wanted nothing more than to skip school, but he knew that he’d already missed too much. After he was ready for the day, he sat on his bed and read through the texts he’d missed.

**8:04 PM     From: michael mell straight from hell**

_wanna hang out? i’m bored_

**8:10 PM     From: michael mell straight from hell**

_so is that a no_

**8:16 PM     From: michael mell straight from hell**

_it’s cool if not just say so_

**8:30 PM     From: michael mell straight from hell**

_dude did u die or what_

**9:05 PM     From: michael mell straight from hell**

_idk what ur up to but i guess i’ll talk to u later_

**9:13 PM     From: michael mell straight from hell**

_see u tomorrow_

**11:44 PM     From: michael mell straight from hell**

_do u want a ride to school? parents said i can have the car back_

**11:45 PM     From: michael mell straight from hell**

_that was the longest grounding ever but hey i learned my lesson_

**11:46 PM     From: michael mell straight from hell**

_i’ll never leave weed in the glovebox again_

**12:01 AM     From: michael mell straight from hell**

_i’ll swing by ur house in the morning_

**12:03 AM     From: michael mell straight from hell**

_night jeremy_

Jeremy suddenly felt like a dick. He quickly responded and assured Michael that he did in fact want a ride, pulling his backpack from the floor and wincing when the weight rested on his shoulders. He took a few Advil and threw the pill bottle into his bag for good measure. Walking down the stairs was no easy feat with his leg, but he made it. Jeremy saw Michael pulling into the driveway and adjusted his movements so that he wasn’t limping. He went towards the car, avoiding eye contact, and slid into the passenger’s seat. He could feel the other boy’s eyes on him.

“So, were you blowing me off last night?” Michael asked, breaking the tense silence.

“No,” he rushed to respond. “No, of course not. I fell asleep early. Sorry.”

Michael nodded and seemed to soften at that, backing out of the driveway and onto the road. As he drove, he glanced over again. “Hey, what happened to your face?” His tone this time wasn’t accusatory, only concerned.

“What?” Jeremy asked before he remembered the solemn injury. “Oh, the bruise? Yeah, you know how clumsy I am.”

Michael gave a short laugh. “Yeah, you are...so, what happened?” He asked again. He was too persistent.

“Oh, y’know, I tripped. Fell into the side of my door,” Jeremy lied. He hated lying to Michael, really, but it couldn’t be avoided. Michael couldn’t know. Not only would it give anyone out to get him a direct link to his loved ones, but it would also bring a lot of extra worry into the other boy’s life. Michael would hate it every time he left for another fight. He would insist on coming along and Jeremy was Not Good at saying no to him. He couldn’t put him in danger like that. No way. He would probably tell him eventually, but for now, it was for the best that he didn’t know. Part of him, the more selfish part of him, longed to tell. He wanted Michael to think he was cool. He wanted Michael to help him when he came home too sore to move. He wanted Michael to realize that Jeremy was worthy, in some way. He wanted to believe he was.

“Earth to Jeremy,” Michael said again. He pulled into the school parking lot. “Pay attention to me.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Jeremy said, shaking his head. “Just tired. What were you saying?”

“I was saying,” he pulled into his usual parking spot. “Did you see the news? About Spider-Man?” Jeremy tried not to tense and shrugged nonchalantly. “What about him?”

“He saved, like, five-hundred people! On a boat!”

“I think it was actually only two-hundred,” he mumbled.

“I don’t know what your issue is with Spider-Man. He’s cool,” Michael said. He reached for his bag in the backseat and accidentally bumped Jeremy’s shoulder. Jeremy breathed in sharply but covered it with a cough.

Jeremy responded, “I don’t have an issue with him. I just don’t see what the big deal is. He’s some guy in a skin-tight suit.”

“A _cool_ guy,” the other boy spoke as he got out of the car.

Jeremy followed closely behind him, thankful that the painkillers were kicking in. “So, uh, why did he have to save the boat in the first place?” Jeremy knew the answer of course, but there was a bigger issue here.

“I don’t know for sure. They said something about a mobster with super-strength. Doesn’t really matter, though, because Spider-Man _completely_ annihilated the guy!”

“So he died, then?” He knew this answer, too. A small part of him held some hope, though, that the man wasn’t dead. Maybe he had been apprehended and thrown in prison, but not dead.

“Oh, yeah,” Michael affirmed casually. “But hey, one less dickhead in the world, right?”

“Ha...right,” he responded, unable to lift his gaze from his feet. Michael pushed through the front doors unceremoniously and walked into the junior corridor, saying something about how much of a hero Spider-Man was. Jeremy rubbed at the inside of his wrist nervously as he made his way to his locker. He wasn’t sure if he could bear to hear more about Spider-Man. Sure, he had done a pretty good job yesterday. But he had killed a man. Whether that man deserved to die didn’t matter—he’d _killed_ him. That didn’t seem very heroic to him. As they parted, he didn’t notice Michael’s lips moving once more. “Sorry, what?”

“I said I’ll see you at lunch,” the taller boy repeated, looking up at Jeremy and searching his face. “Jeez, are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine,” he assured. “See you at lunch.”

-

By the time lunchtime rolled around, Jeremy _wished_ he had died on that boat. Okay, not really, but the day was already horrible and he was only halfway through it. He was exhausted and in pain and everyone knew someone who witnessed the action, so he was sick of hearing ten different versions of what he knew to be true. Jeremy arrived at his usual lunch table and sat down, immediately resting his head against his arms on the surface. He closed his eyes and waited for Michael to arrive, but frankly just wanted to be alone. He rested for a moment or two, listening to the dull murmur of other voices in the lunchroom.

“Jeremy, hey,” Michael said as he sat down.

The shorter boy raised his head and met the brown eyes that were watching him. “Hey,” he responded, fully moving to sit up. “How was class?”

“It was okay,” he shrugged. He pulled a sandwich from his lunchbox and picked up half of it. “Where’s your lunch?”

“Shit,” Jeremy said, realizing that he’d completely forgotten about it. He could always buy a school lunch...but the thought of that sent shivers up his spine. He rubbed at his eyes. “Well, I’m not that hungry anyways.”

Michael frowned and immediately held out the other half of his sandwich in offering.

“I’m okay. Thank you, though.”

“Jeremy. Take it,” Michael spoke. “I have other stuff in here, anyway.”

Hesitantly, he reached for the sandwich and accepted it. “Thanks.”

Michael waved a hand like it was unimportant. “Glad to help.”

The two boys ate in a comfortable silence. Eventually, Jeremy brought up a new game that was coming out soon, and the other immediately launched into his own passionate opinion. Jeremy gave a soft smile. This was normal. This was all he wanted. Forget Spider-Man and saving lives and ending them. This was what was important. Everything else, well, it didn’t matter. Not for right now. Not while Michael was talking.


	2. idiocy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! thanks so much for all your love and support on chapter 1!!

Jeremy couldn’t believe that he kept getting himself into such bad situations. Sure, he was a superhero now, but mostly, he just felt like an idiot. Not even a full week had passed since his previous near-death experience, and here he was again. Getting the absolute shit beaten out of him.

Four men surrounded him in the abandoned warehouse, throwing punches at him and occasionally aiming for him with whatever was nearby. A crowbar seemed to be making its way into the round and Jeremy realized that he actually needed to do _something_. A swift kick to his legs resulted with him on the ground and he couldn't breathe for a second, but he quickly moved back onto his feet, throwing another punch. He was thankful that the previous injuries had healed, for the most part, and ignored the nagging in his head that said he’d have a hard time covering these bruises. While he was lost in his thoughts, another punch landed against his ear and threw off his equilibrium. He stumbled and hit the brick wall behind him, breathing heavily. One of his assailants honest-to-god _laughed_ at that, which only pissed Jeremy off. These guys had gotten the jump on him, they’d caught him off-guard as he was investigating the building, but now he would get the jump on them. Literally.

He spotted a beam of support against the ceiling and shot a web to it, pulling himself above the four men. All Jeremy wanted to do was save the hostages, not fight his way through some boss battle with the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Okay, maybe that was an overstatement. But these guys were _smart_ (or at least, they had a plan that was well-thought-out. Which was more than Jeremy could say for most bad guys in New Jersey). They had planted a bomb in the room with the hostages. Which meant that even if Jeremy was able to take them out, there was still a chance of losing the fight and blowing up right along with the rest of the civilians. He breathed out a sigh and swung down from his place on the supports, kicking one of the men in the head. He used the momentum from the hit to propel himself off of the brick wall and kick another. He let go of the web and landed on the third man, knocking the wind out of him, which left only one...who was holding the crowbar from before. Jeremy webbed the three men to each other and left them on the floor as he turned his attention to the one left standing. Jeremy advanced towards him and he swung the crowbar rapidly, hitting Jeremy in the neck. He coughed, feeling dizzy and nauseous all of a sudden, but he kept going after regaining his balance. He tried to grab the bar, but was only met with a sharp pain in his wrist from the impact. Narrowing his eyes, Jeremy used a web to propel the man back and restrain his arm against the wall. As the teenager stalked towards him, shooting yet another web to truly pin him, the boy raised a fist.

Jeremy maintained eye-contact—at least, as well as he could with the mask—as he got closer. He breathed heavily, watching the man brace himself for the hit. No. No, this wasn’t who he was. All four men were restrained. The police would arrive soon enough. It wasn’t necessary. Jeremy lowered his hand and turned on his heel. The pain in his neck and wrist throbbed, but he needed to focus on the bomb. He rushed upstairs to a locked room, bracing himself and knocking down the door.

Inside were forty or so terrified faces, but they all lit up when they registered who had just come in. Jeremy hated that they had so much faith in him.

“Is anyone injured?” Jeremy asked as he located the bomb.

“O-Only a few of us. But we’re okay,” a woman spoke up, gesturing with her zip-tied hands to a man with a black eye.

“The cops will be here soon, everyone, just hang in there,” Jeremy reassured them. He picked up the bomb, careful not to jostle any wires. “I need to get out of here. Don’t want this around you guys,” he said, gesturing to the bomb awkwardly. He climbed up to the skylight of the building and onto the roof, hearing voices below him.

Some people were yelling, “Thank you!” Jeremy hardly registered the sound as he flung himself off of the warehouse. He held onto the bomb with one arm, shooting webs with his injured wrist. He ignored the sharp pains and figured that he could deal with that later. He knew that there was an empty field a town over from his own and picked up his pace, trying to beat the clock. He swung from telephone poles and buildings and streetlamps, watching as the numbers counted down. _127, 126, 125, 124…_

Jeremy made it to the open area with twenty seconds to spare. He set the bomb down in the middle of the grass and ran like hell, taking care to cover his ears with his hands. He had just barely made it out of the field when the loudest noise he’d ever heard shook him to his very core. The gust of energy that came from the bomb propelled him forward, forcing him to land in the middle of a winding road. He rolled over painfully but was thankful that no shrapnel or fire seemed to be approaching him. Glancing back, Jeremy could see the smoldering remains. Everything was fine. He heard sirens in the distance and decided that it was time to head home.

-

That evening, Jeremy was lying down in bed, scrolling through various social media on his phone. He had come home, inspected his injuries (which mostly consisted of his whole body being One Big Bruise), taken a shower, and climbed into bed. He knew he should do something but it was a Saturday and he had spent the day in a pretty exhausting situation. On top of that, he couldn’t move his wrist without it sending a horrible pain throughout his entire arm. The pain in his neck was slightly better, but he couldn’t move it much either. He’d wrapped an elastic bandage around his wrist to keep it in one position but there wasn’t really an easy way to heal his neck other than ice, which he had kept on for a few hours prior.

He took a sharp breath when he heard knocking on his window. Michael. Shit. He needed this to not be happening to him. Jeremy pulled the blanket up his chin, hiding the rest of his injuries. He knew that a black eye and bruised nose didn’t look great, but he could make something up. As the other boy entered the room, Jeremy swallowed nervously.

Michael turned to face him with a bright smile which...immediately fell. He raised a hand up to his mouth, blinking a few times but keeping his eyes focused on his best friend. “ _Jeremy_ ,” he breathed. “What happened to you?” He moved to the side of the bed and reached out, his fingertips lightly brushing against the other boy’s cheek.

“I, um,” Jeremy hesitated. What would be convincing? He was at a loss. He rambled,“It’s actually a funny story, I’ll tell you sometime, but I’m _exhausted_. How about I just text you about it tomorrow?”

Michael’s frown deepened and he furrowed his brows. “Jeremy.”

“Michael, seriously. I don't want to talk about it. Don't worry. It's just a couple of bruises.”

The taller boy seemed hesitant but looked into Jeremy’s earnest blue eyes and decided to drop it. For now. He just wanted Jeremy to be okay. If he was okay, then everything else could wait. “Alright,” he relented, sighing. He moved to the other side of the bed and sat cross-legged next to his best friend.

“What brings you here?” Jeremy asked, excited for a chance to change the subject.

“I just...haven't seen you in a while. I missed you.”

He smiled at that. “I missed you too, buddy. How have you been?”

“I’m okay,” Michael responded. “I’ve been kind of worried, but-” He paused as the other boy opened his mouth to protest. “...But I’ll try to not be. If you say you’re fine, then I trust you.”

Jeremy wanted to cry right then and there. Michael’s faith in him brought up an entirely new level of guilt. The lump in his throat dissipated and he said, “Thanks.”

Michael nodded and rubbed at the back of his neck. “What were you doing before I showed up?”

“Um, this is awkward but I was _just_ about to go to bed.”

The taller of the two nodded, albeit a little disappointedly, and began to stand up. “Okay, yeah, I’ll see you later. Get some sleep.”

Jeremy suddenly blurted out, “You could stay.” 

Michael turned to stare at him, looking rather perplexed. It wasn’t like he hadn’t stayed over unexpectedly before but Jeremy had seemed so distant lately. “You sure?”

“Yeah, for sure. I’d love for you to stay.” Jeremy knew that this would probably fuck him over soon enough; specifically in the morning when Michael expected him to stop shielding 95% of his body with the covers. But for now, he wanted the company. He meant what he said earlier—he really _had_ missed his best friend.

“Okay. Yeah. I’ll stay,” Michael accepted. He tried (and failed) to push down his smile as he sent a quick text to his parents. He pulled off his sweatshirt and jeans, leaving him in boxers and a striped tank-top. Jeremy wouldn’t admit it, but he loved it when Michael dressed down. It showed off his physique more than that red hoodie ever did—not that Jeremy didn’t _also_ love the red hoodie. It was just that the hoodie didn’t show the soft muscle tone in his arms or the smooth definition of his chest. Michael took off his glasses and climbed under the covers after flicking the light-switch nearby. He was face-to-face with the other boy.

Jeremy turned on his side now that the room was bathed in darkness and he was grateful that the lack of light could hide his small grimace at the movement. He could feel Michael’s eyes on him, but his vision hadn’t adjusted to the light yet. He desperately wanted things to feel normal again. “Can we just...y’know, talk? Like we used to?”

Michael hummed his inquisition, “What do you mean?”

“Like, until one of us passes out. Talk. About anything.”

“Of course,” the other boy responded. They had both dulled their voices to a whisper. It wasn’t like they couldn’t talk normally, but it seemed to fit the mood. “What do you want to talk about?”

“I don’t know,” Jeremy admitted. He felt a bit foolish since this was his idea, after all. “Just. Anything that comes into your brain.”

“Okay.” Michael paused for a moment, thinking. He inhaled sharply when something came to mind. “The other day, I went to 7/11 to get a slushie and the machine was broken. So I’m suddenly in the worst mood of all time, right?”

“Obviously,” Jeremy affirmed.

“And so I’m walking around the store, thinking that life couldn’t possibly be any worse. But then. Then, I run into the soft drinks aisle. And I immediately want nothing to do with it because, like, what’s the point of soft drinks if-”

“If they aren’t from the nineties, right.”

“Yeah, right!" Michael beamed. "But I’m looking at the drinks. And I’m trying to decide between Mountain Dew and Coke, which is like, not even a comparison. And as I reach for the Mountain Dew, I realize that there’s a little tag on it. It said something about a scholarship for gaming! Gaming, Jeremy!”

“Seriously? You can get money for that?”

“Well, I mean, you have to enter the sweepstakes for it, but yeah! Maybe you and I should do the whole college thing after all.”

Jeremy hummed in agreement. “Yeah, maybe we should. Like you always say, college will be different. Better.” Part of him wondered if he’d make it that long. And if he did, what would happen to Spider-Man? He didn’t know if he could do fifteen credit-hours a week and still fight crime. And he’d need his grades to stop slipping...but it was a nice fantasy, all the same. “Michael, you’re my best friend,” he said suddenly.

Michael smiled softly. “You’re my best friend, too.”

-

Sleep was a time of vulnerability, and Jeremy realized that he probably should have thought that through. Sometime around sunrise, he woke up slowly. Something was drawing his attention away from dreaming and into the real world. He wondered if it was his sense for heroism, but nothing seemed too urgent. That is, until he realized that half of his covers had shifted in the night. His entire torso was exposed. Well, for the most part. He was wearing a t-shirt but the bruises along his arms were visible. His reddened knuckles, his black and blue neck, and his busted wrist were all on full display. Before he could cover back up, Jeremy’s attention sprung to a figure leaning over him, and suddenly he was much more awake.

He asked, startled, “Michael?” All he received was a small sound of confirmation. “Michael, what are you doing up?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm going on a trip with some friends which means i won't be uploading until i get back (in about a week),,,,,so have fun guys :-) hope you're enjoying this so far! any and all feedback would be greatly appreciated
> 
> also follow me on tumblr i'm pretty cool it's brerediddy.tumblr.com


	3. friendships mended, bonds built

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mention of violence, use of weed, and some vaguely self-deprecating talk bc it's jeremy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm back! i hope u guys enjoy this chapter!

“You said you were  _fine_. You told me not to worry.” Michael’s voice sounded oddly strangled, and Jeremy sat up against his headboard. He could make out the other boy in the soft light coming in through the window, and he immediately realized that this meant Michael could see everything, too. He opened his mouth to speak, but he was cut off. " _Jeremiah Heere_ , what the fuck happened to you?” The taller boy looked to be on the verge of tears and,  _shit_ , this was the exact opposite of what Jeremy wanted. He became aware of a feather-light touch against his neck. His best friend was tracing the bruise with a horrified expression on his face.

“Michael-”

“Why would you lie to me?” He pulled his hand away sharply and made direct eye-contact. He was sitting on his knees, looking smaller than ever.

“I’m sorry,” Jeremy said. “I’m sorry. I should have told you. I-I didn’t want you to worry.”

“Really?” Michael said, giving a disingenuous laugh. “Jeremy, tell me why I shouldn’t be worried. You-You-You stop hanging out with me all the time, which is fine, like I get it, but then, _then_ you show up last week with that bruise. You told me you fell but, like, I haven’t even seen you so much as _trip_ once in the past month. You’re exhausted all the time. Honestly, since when do you go to bed at nine o’clock? Then, you lie  _to my face_ and say you’re fine. But I wake up to get some water and you look like a goddamn human punching bag! So, please, tell me why I shouldn’t worry!” At the end of his rant, he was breathing heavily and he crossed his arms in a huff. Softer, he added, “I thought I was your best friend.”

“You _are_ ,” Jeremy agreed meekly. He was at a loss for words. He just wanted Michael to stop looking so distraught. The early morning light streaming through his window seemed much too soft for the current situation.

Michael threw his hands up and exclaimed, “So why don’t you just tell me what’s wrong?! So I can help you! Like best friends do!”

“Michael, I…” He bit his lip and suddenly, an excuse popped into his brain. He wanted to tell Michael the truth. Really, honestly, he did. But it was too dangerous. Anyone could come after him, anyone could hurt him to get to Jeremy. Removing Michael from the situation was his only option. He would tell him—really, he would. After crime in the city had died down for a while and he was sure that he could keep the other boy safe. But he didn’t trust his abilities enough for that yet. He couldn’t. “Michael, I was mugged.” He was disgusted by how easy it was for him to lie, but it was for the best.

“You... _what_?” Michael immediately softened, his face seeming to pale in the small stream of sunlight. He looked away from Jeremy for the first time, choosing instead to pick at his fingernails.

“Yeah. I was walking home from school and l picked the wrong time to stop in an alley. That’s all.”

“That’s _all?_ They beat the shit out of you!” The other boy looked up at him again, but his former anger seemed to be gone. It was a new type of anger, one that wasn’t directed at Jeremy. “What did they do?”

Jeremy shrugged. “They threw some punches. I ran as soon as I could,” he said. With his next breath, Michael appeared even closer to him. He lightly guided Jeremy’s chin up, investigating the mark.

“What’s this?”

“A. Um. Crowbar,” Jeremy responded. He felt Michael tense once more. “They got my wrist, too. I don’t think it’s broken, though.”

Michael seethed, “I can’t believe you wouldn’t _tell me_.”

“I’m sorry.” Part of him was thankful that Michael knew about his injuries, at least, even if not the true cause. He had longed for his comfort, for his concern. For someone to care.

“Don’t you ever do that to me again.” Michael pinched the bridge of his nose, letting out a long breath. “ _Please_ just tell me.” He reached for the other boy’s good hand and rubbed small circles into his palm.

“I will,” Jeremy lied.

“The thought of you hurting and me not knowing about it _sucks_ , Jeremy.” Michael paused and glanced at the bruises once more. He shook his head in frustration and said, “We have to go to the police, Jer.”

The aforementioned boy’s eyes widened and he rushed to say, “No, no, it’s fine. I didn’t get a good look at them and my dad said that it would be useless.”

Michael didn’t seem convinced, but he let the matter drop. He knew that Jeremy had a point. The cops in their town were useless, anyway. That was why superheroes existed in the first place. He stood up slowly to pace around the room. “I’ll go. You need to rest. I’ll see you-”

“Don't leave. Please,” Jeremy interrupted. He felt pathetic. He shouldn’t need someone to take care of him—he was Spider-Man. But this was Michael. Michael who had saved him a million times before: from being friendless in the first grade, from bullies in the fourth grade, from bad school lunches on multiple occasions, from heartbreak when his mom left, from _everything_.

Michael nodded, his eyes not leaving the mark on Jeremy’s neck. “Jeremy, you could have _died_. What would I do?”

The injured boy couldn't help but become aware of the lump in his throat. That was a question that could become relevant sooner than either anticipated, and Jeremy didn't want to know the answer. He cleared his throat and said, “You'd get over me, I hope. Go to college and find another player two.” He couldn't meet Michael’s eyes, knowing the look of utter betrayal that would be present.

“Shut up, no I wouldn't,” Michael responded immediately, moving to loop his arms around Jeremy. He was careful of the injuries as he buried his head in the other boy’s chest. “Let's not think about it.” The sound was muffled by t-shirt material and he let out a shaky breath. “Just _please_ never do this again. In general. I can't stand to see you like this.”

Jeremy was silent as he closed his eyes and simply tried to find warmth in the embrace. He wondered how Michael would have reacted to his gunshot wound from last week or his broken rib from a month ago or even his concussion from his first ever fight. As he considered these things, he became vaguely aware of some pressure on his injured knuckles. He opened his eyes and was met with the sight of Michael sitting up once more and holding his hand gently, like he was afraid that the smallest touch would break him. He held Jeremy’s hand to his lips and slowly pressed kisses to each mark, tender and soft. Jeremy wanted to cry. Michael deserved better. Michael deserved the world. And Jeremy couldn’t give that to him; he couldn’t even be honest with him. How shitty was that? He pushed his mind onto other matters and said, “You don’t hate me, right?”

Michael paused, his hand still securely on the other boy’s. “Of course I don’t. How could I ever hate you? You’re my best friend.”

Jeremy nodded at that and steadied himself. “What time is it?” He inquired after a comfortable pause of silence.

“Uh,” the other boy hesitated, pulling out his phone. “7:43. Too early.”

“Do you want to go back to sleep?” Jeremy asked, watching his best friend’s face closely.

Michael mumbled, “Not tired,” but yawned as if on cue.

“C’mon,” Jeremy prompted. His slender fingers wrapped around the other boy’s wrist and tugged lightly. He reclined completely against the mattress and pulled Michael with him. The bigger boy fit into his side carefully.

“Is this okay? Am I hurting you?” Michael nervously questioned.

“No, dude, you're fine. Don't worry. Just go to sleep.”

He nodded, pushing his head onto Jeremy's chest. Michael breathed out a sigh, the anxiety trying to leave his mind. Jeremy lifted the arm that was wrapped around his best friend and began to lightly stroke Michael’s hair. He moved his fingers through the strands, letting his eyes fall shut and humming as he did so. He had missed this. Eventually, the two boys fell into rest.

-

The following week was pretty uneventful. He’d stopped a robbery or two, but didn't have much to do. Throughout the course of each day, Jeremy decided that he was going to tell Michael the truth. They’d spent the entire weekend together, playing games and ordering pizza. The other boy was so gentle with him the entire time, so earnest, so _good,_ that the thought of continuing to lie made him feel sick. Sure, he was still worried about his ability to protect his best friend, but Michael wasn’t defenseless. Just because he didn’t have superpowers didn’t mean he couldn’t protect himself to some extent. He was going to tell him. As soon as the time was right, he would do it.

They were at the mall on a Wednesday night, waiting on Michael’s dealer to meet them. School had been called off the next day due to some pipe leaking in the gym which mostly meant that two boys were going to get stoned in Michael’s basement and let off some steam. As Jeremy took a bite of his food-court pizza, he couldn’t help but notice his best friend’s eyes wandering elsewhere.

In the dinky t-shirt design shop across from the food court hung an entire row of Spider-Man themed shirts. Tank tops and baseball tees and, hell, even _crop tops_ all had his signature design on them. Rows of red and blue disillusioned Jeremy and he had to blink a few times to adjust his eyes. What the hell?

“Have those always been there?” Jeremy asked, trying to keep his food down.

“I don’t think so,” Michael responded, bringing his attention back to the boy sitting across from him. “Must be a new shipment.”

“ _Why_?”

“They were probably in demand. Dude, I know you have some weird vendetta against Spider-Man, but you’re the only one. Tons of people would love to have a shirt like that.” He took a sip of his blue-raspberry slushie and shrugged. “I’d probably get one if I didn’t refuse to step foot in that store.”

Jeremy let go of a nervous breath to laugh and say, “Listen, I know you’re pissed that they replaced the fabric store but-”

“I have to get my patches online now, Jeremy. _Online_.” Michael threw a glare at the fluorescent sign bearing the image of a simple outline of a shirt.

“Anyway,” Jeremy spoke. “I just don’t get what the big deal is. Dude can’t even handle a spider bite.”

“What, like you could?”

In that moment, Jeremy was unbelievably close to saying it. Just laughing and saying, _no, I couldn’t_. He wanted to sit in the middle of the food court, the two of them in their own little world, and tell him everything. He wanted to come clean about all the late nights and bruises and weird cover-ups. He wanted to tell him about every villain he’d faced, even the ones that weren’t on the news. He opened his mouth to do exactly that, to tell him everything, but was interrupted by Michael’s short tone.

“There he is. I’ll be right back.” He smiled as he stood up. God, what Jeremy wouldn’t do for that smile. He watched as his best friend moved to the corner of the room to collect his purchase. Within the next moment, Michael had returned to their table, shoving something around in the pocket of his hoodie. “Do you want to get out of here?”

“Yeah,” Jeremy said, slightly crestfallen. What was he thinking? Michael would worry. It would ruin the whole night. He repeated, “Yeah,” more for his benefit than anyone else’s. It wasn’t the right time.

“You good?” Brown eyes focused on him intently. They seemed to be doing that more than ever recently.

“Perfect,” he nodded.

The ride home was comfortable, windows down and music blasting. Jeremy stared out into the passing blur of buildings, wondering why his life couldn’t feel like this all the time. Why it had to be so complicated. When they arrived at the Mell residence, he got out of the car and wandered up to the front door. He entered the security code from memory as Michael trailed behind him.

“What do you want to start with? I hear Mario Kart is, like, ten times more fun when you’re high.” Michael threw his backpack down by his coffee table and began the descent downstairs. He mused, “Although, last time, you were _hilarious,_ man. I could just sit and listen to you for hours.” Not that Michael needed to be high to do that, but it was easier to compliment Jeremy this way. Keep the facade up, nothing more than friendship here, _no way_.

Jeremy gave a small laugh and shrugged. “I say we smoke first and then decide. Up to you, though.” They crossed to their respective beanbags and the smaller boy fell back against his with a small sigh. It felt good to lay down. To just rest for a moment. Keeping his GPA high enough to avoid a grounding, hanging out with Michael and occasionally some people from his theater class, _and_ fighting crime all within the same week really took a lot out of him. He was vaguely aware of Michael rolling a blunt next to him but he had never really paid attention to that part of the process anyway. Jeremy rubbed at his eyes and as soon as he pulled his hand away, Michael was offering the cleanly-rolled object to him. He smiled softly and accepted, breathing it in a time or two and then passing it back. He stared up at the ceiling, going over everything in his mind. He really needed to get some things out of his head; Jeremy hadn’t actually killed that man on that boat, he’d just won the fight. He didn’t do it with his own hands. Right? _Like that made any difference._ Jeremy shook his head and reached out for another hit.

“Stop that,” Michael said, his voice soft.

“Stop what?”

“You’re thinking too much. This is a night for no thinking,” he explained. He glanced over and pointed to the crease between Jeremy’s eyebrows. “See? _That_. None of that.”

Jeremy slowly let his face relax and he leaned back once more. “I don’t know how to not think.”

“I’ll help,” his best friend responded. He took another puff and reached out an arm to tug on Jeremy. The shorter boy let himself be moved until he found himself on his side with his head in the other boy’s lap.

“Uh, Michael?”

“Shh,” Michael responded softly. “It’s fine.” He began to comb his fingers through the other boy’s hair with his free hand. He lifted the blunt to his lips again before moving and holding it up to Jeremy.

The two boys stayed like that, wrapped up in each other, for far too long. But it didn’t matter. No one was around to notice them. No one was around to care. About two hours into this endeavor, Michael realized that they were almost out of weed. He cast a disappointed look down at Jeremy and said, “Dude, we’re done for.”

“What?” Jeremy asked, finally sitting up. His head felt light but better than it had in a while. There was, for once, no weight on his shoulders. Figuratively and literally. He glanced at the bag and said, “Man, that sucks.” He stared at the joint in the other boy’s hand. “Is that the last one?”

“Looks like it,” he nodded. Michael stared between the half-smoked blunt and the boy next to him. “We could...share.”

“There’s hardly enough there to share. You can have it. It’s cool.”

“There’s _plenty_ to share if we do this right,” Michael shrugged. He rolled up the sleeves of his hoodie and said, “We could shotgun it.”

“Dude, what does that even mean?” Jeremy laughed.

The taller boy said, “Let me show you.” He inhaled a good amount of the drug before closing his mouth and holding his breath. Jeremy had no clue where this was going. He stayed in place as his best friend slowly got closer to his face. This was... _odd_. He’d had dreams like this but he was pretty sure that this was real life. Michael leaned in, tilting his head. He placed a hand against the back of Jeremy’s neck, his touch so light that it almost wasn’t there. As their lips came closer, the other boy instinctively let his mouth fall open and his eyes fall shut. Smoke poured in through his lips and he focused on that sensation instead of the fact that Michael’s lips were so close to his. The fact that it would be so simple to close the last few inches of distance between them and...yeah. Jeremy let the smoke trail over his tongue as he finally made eye contact with his best friend. As soon as their eyes met, both boys were blushing and turning away from each other. Michael immediately moved back into his previous position on his own beanbag chair.

Michael asked nervously, “Was that okay?”

“It was good, yeah. Good,” Jeremy nodded. He crossed his arms over his chest, trying to slow his heart rate. The weed should have been calming him down but, god, how was he supposed to be calm after _that?_ He let out a long breath and fell back against the cushion. “Michael, you’re cool.”

“Thanks, Jere. You’re cool, too.”

Jeremy smiled at that and gave a small, embarrassed giggle. He said, “What’s on your mind, Michael Mell?”

“I have a secret to tell you,” Michael said eagerly. He sat up and leaned towards Jeremy once more, only this time it was from a suitable distance to keep both of them from cardiac arrest.

Jeremy sat up and met his eyes. “Okay. Hit me. I’m ready.”

“I’m gay,” he said suddenly.

The other boy watched Michael’s face closely and said, “Um, I know? You told me in, like, the sixth grade. You called me homophobic yesterday because I was blocking your car door. Remember?”

He nodded. “Oh, that’s right.” Michael hummed for a moment, his brows knitting together. “Oh! There was another part that I was supposed to tell you. I forgot.”

“Spit it out.”

“Don’t laugh,” he demanded. At Jeremy’s nod, he added, “I have a _massive_ crush on Spider-Man.”

Jeremy suddenly felt much more sober. “You don’t even know the guy. He could be a creep.”

“He’s cool,” Michael defended. “And he’s hot. I mean, have you _seen_ him?”

Hot? Where did that come from? Jeremy was so far from _hot_. Even if he’d developed some more muscle after his spider-bite, he was still just Jeremy Heere. “Michael, I think you just like him because he fights crime.”

“Don’t kinkshame me,” he said. With that, both boys dissolved into laughter. Jeremy figured that it didn’t matter if Michael had a crush on Spider-Man because, well, if he knew the truth then that crush would go away instantly. He did, however, let himself revel in it for a moment. He let himself believe that Michael truly liked him for _him_ , not Spider-Man. It was nice to dream. He was pulled from his thoughts as the other boy stood up rapidly and announced, “I want to make waffles,” before holding out a hand to help Jeremy up.

As they moved upstairs and into the kitchen, Jeremy considered his wording carefully and said, “Hey. If you like Spider-Man, then that’s cool. I’m happy if you’re happy. Promise me you won’t stop hanging out with me when your cool new boyfriend is a masked vigilante?”

“I promise,” Michael said solemnly. He reached out for Jeremy’s hand once more and tangled their fingers together. If they didn’t let go of each other for the rest of the night, then it didn’t need to be brought up. It was just Michael and Jeremy being...Michael and Jeremy.


	4. stagnant and idle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the squip makes an entrance! very very brief (like, one word mention) for emetophobia.

Going back to school on Friday wasn’t the worst thing to ever happen, but it wasn’t the best. Ever since the Weed Shotgunning Incident, as Jeremy liked to think of it, Michael had acted strange around him. On Thursday, he’d gone to hug the other boy when they parted ways, but Michael quickly patted Jeremy on the back and turned to his car. The following morning, he had barely spoken two words on the ride to school. Jeremy hoped that he hadn’t done something wrong. As much as he liked the other boy, the idea of anything making their friendship awkward made him incredibly anxious. Which was precisely why friendship was all they could ever have between them. Nothing more, no matter how much Jeremy wished for it.

It was a rather uneventful day at school but when he got home, he received a distress text halfway through his Government homework and sighed. He just wanted to finish the worksheet and watch some TV. Was that too much to ask? Regardless, he suited up and headed into the city. Jeremy wasn’t sure what he should expect, but it absolutely wasn’t this. When he made it just past the river, his eyes fell upon a man sitting atop a building. He held out an arm disinterestedly and waved his wrist, causing a car to fly directly past Jeremy’s head and into a nearby bank. The man didn’t seem to be anything extraordinary except for the apparent telekinesis and, well, he was _glowing_. White light bounced off of the surfaces surrounding him, Jeremy noticed as he got closer. He pulled himself up to the man’s level, hoping to stay hidden behind some power lines.

Of course, luck wasn’t exactly in Jeremy’s cards. Ever. The man glanced to the side and suddenly pushed a satellite in his direction, laughing as the boy dodged the hit.

“What’s your problem?” Jeremy yelled, trying to make eye contact. The man was of an average build: not too tall or bulky but not small, either. He seemed to be a good three or four inches taller than Jeremy, with mid-sized shoulders and slim torso. He was wearing a long black jacket that hung beneath him as he swung his legs over the side of the building. His body, as Jeremy had noticed earlier, was glowing brightly. It was difficult to discern from the street, but now that he was only a rooftop away, it seemed obvious. In the man’s hands were two blue-tinted balls of light, spinning rapidly. _What the hell?_

“Can’t I just have some fun?” The man shrugged, pulling on a pair of sunglasses. It looked like something straight out of the Matrix, and Jeremy didn’t even understand that movie to begin with. 

“You’re hurting people!” He took a few steps closer, almost on the edge of his building.

“Not yet, I’m not,” the man sing-songed. He lifted a hand and said, “Come closer!”

Jeremy grit his teeth. He shouldn’t. He had no idea what this guy was capable of. He took a step backwards to emphasize how much he wasn’t going to do as the other man asked. “Why should I?”

“Come closer, _Jeremy._ ” The man took off his sunglasses and stared directly at him.

Jeremy felt like he’d been slapped. His blood ran cold and he suddenly lost feeling in his fingertips. “Wha-” he began to say but he couldn’t get the words out. How did he know his name? How could he possibly know? He slung a web to the building that his opposition was sitting on and readied himself to jump. He needed to talk to him. He needed to know. He swung across the roadway, beginning to pile up with police cars, and ended up face-to-face with the strange man as he stood to meet Jeremy on the rooftop.

“Simple scans,” the man said with a condescending tone. As Jeremy got closer to him, he could make out a twisted smile. “Everything I could ever need is right in _there_ ,” he drawled as he picked up a gloved hand to point to the boy’s skull with a delicate finger. “Jeremy Heere. You’re sixteen and you go to Middleborough High. You live with your dad because your mom left when you hit puberty. You always blamed yourself. Your address is-”

“Stop!” Jeremy commanded, his voice coming out louder than he thought it could. “How are you doing that?”

“I can do anything,” the man said nonchalantly. He straightened his posture and cocked his head as he repeated, “ _I can do anything I want._ ” He suddenly threw out a hand, pushing Jeremy into the hard concrete without touching him.

Jeremy wheezed, the air trying to return into his lungs. “ _Why_ are you doing this?” He gasped as he steadied himself on his hands and knees before standing up once more.

“Because I can!” The villain exclaimed, throwing his hands triumphantly into the air. His dark hair wavered in the wind and upon closer inspection, Jeremy could see that a ring of blue light surrounded the pupil in his eyes.

“Who are you?” Jeremy raised his hands defensively but knew they would do him no good.

“I’m the Super Quantum Unburdened Intelligence Proxy,” he responded. Jeremy knew all of those words separately, but was struggling to put them together. The man was speaking with perfect enunciation, which kind of threw him off of his game a little. After attending public school for so many years, it was foreign to him. “You can call me the SQUIP.”

“So you can just...scan people and know anything that you want?” Jeremy swallowed. This seemed so far out of his realm.

“Pretty much, yeah,” the SQUIP responded smugly. “You see, you’d be amazed at what humans could do if they’d just push a bit harder. If they’d meet the resistance with more...force instead of failure.”

Jeremy hoped that the man couldn’t tell how confused he was beneath the mask. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“ _My_ , you ask a lot of questions,” he cooed. His eyes flashed red for a moment and Jeremy had to hold himself in place. _Creepy._ “Imagine if humans tapped into the untapped parts of their brains, Jeremy. Like you, with your powers." He paused to point a leather-gloved finger in the hero's direction. "Do you seriously think _one_ little spider-bite put all of that into your DNA?”

“Um,” he hesitated. “Yeah.”

“Naive. I _like_ it,” the SQUIP laughed. “Jeremy, you had it in you _all along_. All you had to do was trigger the reaction.”

“Bullshit,” Jeremy spat. The SQUIP looked even more amused at his stubbornness and he wanted to hit him in his stupid face. Really badly.

“Listen, Jeremy, you and I are more alike than you think.”

“I disagree,” he responded immediately. Jeremy lowered his hands to his sides, angling his body away from the man.

“Not completely, you don't. I can see _into_ _your_ _head_ , Jeremiah,” the SQUIP said as he curled his lips into yet another smile.

“Stop calling me that,” Jeremy requested, putting on a braver face than he felt.

“Why? Don't want your dad finding out? Your friends? Or should I say  _friend?_ ” The man—or _whatever_ —stared at the boy in silence for a long moment, his eyes narrowing before belting out a large laugh. It was rather unsettling, missing any air of humor or joy. It was pure malicious intent and a dry smile that shook Jeremy to his core. The SQUIP called out, "You haven't told a soul!”

Jeremy curled his hands into fists and called out, “Why should I? It’s my fight, not theirs.”

" _Michael_ sure would like to know...it's a pity you just keep lying to him.”

What the fuck? What the _fuck_? Jeremy felt his stomach drop and he suddenly wanted to scream. “Leave him out of this,” he said, gritting his teeth.

“Oh, I will,” the SQUIP nodded solemnly. “For now.”

Jeremy could feel the air leaving him. He could feel the panic setting in. He’d lied for so long. He'd put this wall in between them, he'd jeopardized their friendship to keep him safe, to make sure he was okay—but it was all for _nothing_. The SQUIP had involved him anyway. All of it, for absolutely nothing. He felt sick.

“Now, now, no need to panic. I’m not going to go anywhere near him. Provided that you listen to me.” The SQUIP put his sunglasses back on but not before Jeremy spotted the flash of red in his eyes once more. At the boy’s silence, he continued. “I want this to be a mutually beneficial relationship, Jeremy. I won't hurt Michael if you promise that you will come to me when you're instructed to do so.”

“Wh-What do you want?” Jeremy was almost afraid to ask, but he had to. He had to keep his best friend safe. Sure, giving in to hostile requests was, like, number one on the What Not To Do When You're A Superhero guide—but he had no choice. If something happened to Michael...Jeremy didn't want to consider the possibility. Nothing would happen to Michael, not as long as he was around to prevent it.

“I want to test you. I want to see how your powers are different from mine. I want to learn from you,” the villain explained. His tone had shifted into something more sinister and the boy couldn't help but feel incredibly frightened. “I want you to help me get _stronger_.”

“W-Why me?” Jeremy felt horrible. He was shaking. He couldn’t morally let this guy get away, let alone help him become _more powerful_ , right? But...Michael. He would do anything to keep him safe.

“Because, Jeremy, you're the only hero who seems to have a chance at stopping me. Now, I know you want to. You'd kill me right now if you thought you could get away with it. You'd kill me just like you killed that man on the ship..." He paused briefly to grin at Jeremy's ever-growing paleness. "But I can tell that you aren't going to. We wouldn't want anything to...happen.” The SQUIP snapped his fingers and suddenly, Jeremy found himself on the ground. He couldn't move, he couldn't speak. “I’m going to leave. You're staying there. I’ll let you know when to meet me next.” The man gave a small wave and said, “Stay in school and don't do drugs, kid.” By the time Jeremy could lift his head, the SQUIP was gone.

The boy got up onto his knees, pulled off his mask, and promptly vomited. The city skyline seemed imposing for the first time in his life. He wished it would swallow him whole. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay hi! this author's note is kind of important to read! 
> 
> so i've recently hopped onto the "michael is taller than jeremy" train and this fic previously showcased michael as being the shorter one. well, not anymore kiddos!! i wasn't going to change it out of fear of confusing readers who have been with this for every update, but i couldn't bear to misrepresent my boys. so i edited the previous chapters and from here on out, michael is (slightly) taller than jeremy. okay i'm glad we sorted that out. 
> 
> also i'm sorry this chapter is so short but the next one is longer and i'm going to try to post that in a few days so i can get two chapters up this week instead of just one. 
> 
> i think that's all i have to say. thank you guys so much for reading!! also i still havent seen spiderman homecoming and i am suffering can anyone relate


	5. bad days made better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> talk of anxiety and more squip action

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i said i would try to update twice last week and i am Sorry but something came up in the family. and i know this chapter is late but it's here now! so here ya go - thanks so much for reading!

Jeremy attempted to get through the rest of the weekend without a mental breakdown. He was pretty proud of himself, overall, because he’d managed to only have five panic attacks. It wasn’t ideal, but it was okay due to the fact that his world was crashing down around him. He had finally encountered a villain who was smarter and stronger than his worst dreams. Not only could he not feasibly defeat him in a single battle but now he had to _work_ with him, for god’s sake. He had no choice: not when Michael was on the line. Jeremy had researched everything he could on the SQUIP but couldn’t find anything other than a news article about his destruction in the city. He sighed and shoved the mouse aside. He couldn’t keep thinking about this. He’d spent all of Saturday worrying and pacing.

Jeremy opened up Skype just out of curiosity. As the application opened, he stared at the green “ _online_ ” symbol next to Michael’s name. He wondered if this is how Gatsby felt. He desperately wanted to see him, to talk to him, to ensure that he was okay. Just as he was about to make his move, his monitor lit up as a ringtone began to play.

 _Incoming Call From:_ **Michael**

The other boy worried on his lower lip and accepted the call, pushing his hair off of his forehead. He hoped he looked at least semi-okay.

“Hey,” Michael greeted, a relaxed smile on his face. “I was bored and I saw you were online.”

Jeremy fought back a grin and immediately felt more at ease. “What's up?”

The boy shrugged. “Hanging out. How’s your weekend been?”

“It’s okay,” he lied. He didn't want Michael to press more because then he would _actually_ break down. To elaborate, Jeremy added, “I mean, it's been pretty lazy. I feel unproductive.”

“Hey, that's alright. Being lazy is good sometimes,” Michael intoned. He was playing with something out of view of the camera but Jeremy had a suspicion that it was his Rubik's Cube. He always needed to have something in his hands, moving and twisting. “But I know what you mean. Whenever I’m too lazy, I get frustrated. Usually, though, I just play a level or two of Donkey Kong and I feel better.”

Jeremy nodded in agreement. He scratched at the back of his neck, unsure of what else to say. A weight was heavy on his chest but he couldn't tell Michael. Not like this. And he couldn't exactly say, ’ _Hey, you know that new SQUIP guy? Well, he knows your name because, by the way, I’m Spider-Man—and he threatened to hurt you if I don't follow his orders. See you at school!’_ All he could do for the time being was wait for the SQUIP to contact him. He would complete the task and keep his best friend safe. And said best friend wouldn't have to know. Easy, right? Then why did he feel so nauseous?

“Jeremy? Hello?” Michael’s voice pierced his anxious resolve.

“Sorry. Um, bad connection, I think,” he spoke. “Were you saying something?”

“I asked when you started working out.”

Jeremy furrowed his brows in confusion. “I haven't? Michael, you know that I would never willingly exercise.”

“Where'd those arms come from, then?” Michael asked, staring unashamedly at Jeremy’s body. “And your chest, man.”

“U-Um,” he stammered. He had picked up a lot of strength with his web-slinging and cardio from his various battles, but he didn't think it was anything _noticeable_. “Actually, come to think of it, I _have_ worked out with Rich a few times. He invited me and I didn't want to be rude.” Jeremy couldn't look Michael in the eye. Although the attention was a bit unexpected, he couldn't help but enjoy that Michael had noticed.

“Ah,” he nodded in response. “I got you. But, hey, you're kind of... _attractive,_ I guess _?_ Is that weird to say?”

Jeremy swallowed heavily. “No, it's not weird. Thanks for thinking I look decent.”

“Better than decent,” Michael hummed. After a split-second, he seemed panicked and stopped messing around with his Rubik's Cube for the first time during the conversation. “N-Not that you didn't look fine— _good_ , before, either.” He cleared his throat awkwardly. “Um. Yeah. I’m going to stop talking now.”

Jeremy felt heat rise to his cheeks and he shrugged. “Thanks,” he said. His mind vaguely flashed back to when Michael had called Spider-Man hot. Maybe the suit wasn’t the only factor. Maybe Jeremy had a shot? “Anyway. What have you been up to this weekend?”

The other boy shrugged as well, mirroring Jeremy and going back to his Rubik’s cube with impressive focus. “I’ve just been laying around, really. Where were you yesterday? You, like, hardly texted me.”

He considered the fact that he’d spent the previous day as a literal ball of anxiety and wondered how much he should tell Michael. He had already decided not to let him in on the threat because, honestly, did Michael really need that stress in his life right now? Jeremy didn’t think so. Although he couldn’t explain the cause of his panic, Michael always helped to calm him down and Jeremy needed to feel calm. He shook his head and finally responded, “I was pretty anxious. It just wasn’t a great day.”

Michael nodded in understanding and lifted his eyes to search Jeremy’s face. He said, “What were you anxious about?”

“Just, like, life in general. I think,” Jeremy lied. Although he supposed that it wasn’t _exactly_ a lie.

The other boy hummed and Jeremy heard a noise which must have been Michael setting the cube down on his desk. “Have you considered talking to anyone about it?”

“I talk to _you_ ,” he responded steadily. He knew that it wasn’t what the other boy meant, but that didn’t stop him from meeting his best friend’s brown eyes a bit defiantly.

“Jeremy,” Michael spoke, slightly drawing out the vowels. “You know that I love to listen. I do. I’ll listen to you speak forever...but I’m also not a therapist. I can’t help you if your anxiety is getting bad again.”

“You help me more than you think you do,” he responded.

Michael tried to ignore the small swell in his chest as he set his jaw. “I’m not telling you that you have to go. I’m just saying that it’s an option you have, if it keeps bothering you.”

“Thanks, Michael,” Jeremy acknowledged offhandedly, hoping to drop the subject. He let out a long breath and said with a bit of a kinder tone, “I’ll let you know if it gets bad enough for that. I think it’s just temporary. There’s just...a lot in my life, right now. That’s all.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know.” Jeremy rubbed at his temples. He let out a breath before saying, “Hey, whatever happened with that vinyl you were trying to get ahold of?”

Michael knew that the other boy was changing the point of conversation; he wasn’t stupid. But if Jeremy didn’t want to talk about his anxiety, then he didn’t have to. Michael wouldn’t force him. He just didn’t want his best friend to reach his breaking point like he had a few years prior. He couldn’t see Jeremy in that state again—jumpy and shaking and staying in bed for days at a time. He couldn’t watch him go through that. Regardless, the boy wasn’t comfortable talking about whatever was troubling him. Michael had to respect that. He reached for his Rubik’s cube again and began to spin it aimlessly. “I couldn’t get in contact with the seller. I feel like I probably lost the bid.”

Jeremy placed his elbow on his desktop and rested his head upon the palm on his upturned hand. “That’s too bad. Except now I have something to get you for your birthday.”

Michael smiled softly and responded, “Well now that you’ve told me, it won’t be a surprise.”

“You and I both know that you’re going to forget about this conversation long before July.”

“Touché.” Michael ran a hand through his hair, pushing the strands that had fallen into his eyes back to their rightful place.

Jeremy couldn’t help but watch the movement and admire how effortlessly cute his best friend was. Once he realized that he must have been gazing for far too long for it to be considered normal, he swallowed his feelings quickly. That was a problem for Future Jeremy.

-

The next morning, Jeremy thought that he had awoke to his usual alarm and slowly rolled over to turn off the harsh ringing. When he did, he could see that he was actually receiving a phone call and it was only...five o’clock in the morning? What the fuck? He didn't have to be up for school for another two hours and the number calling him was unrecognizable. As soon as his sleepy brain caught up, his stomach dropped. It had to be the SQUIP. He swallowed nervously, propping himself up on his elbow. Taking a deep breath, the boy answered the phone.

“Jeremy, good morning,” the familiar tone registered. He still sounded cocky and Jeremy still wanted to punch him.

“What do you want?” He tried to keep the anxiety from his voice, but he figured that his facade was not very convincing.

“Meet me at the eleventh street lot,” the SQUIP requested coolly.

“But th-that’s closed down. And locked up.” Jeremy hated his stutter. It came out at the most inconvenient times. He ran a hand through his hair and spoke, “I have school. I’m sixteen.”

“You can go to school in the afternoon. I’ll only need you for a few hours.” The SQUIP hummed an odd distortion of the Jeopardy theme. “So what do you say? Eleventh street lot in half an hour. Oh, and don’t bother with the costume. It’s just a waste of time.”

“Do I have a choice?” Jeremy sat up in bed, blinking a few times to make sense of his surroundings in the dark.

“No. Well, yes, technically. But we all know what the consequences are if you make the wrong one, don't we?” And with that, the phone line went dead.

Jeremy threw his phone down a bit harshly onto his pillow. He  _hated_ this. He hated everything about this. He supposed the only good thing about the situation was that, in spending time with his enemy, he was bound to learn more. Maybe he could figure out a way to defeat him. The boy groaned as he stood up and then, on second thought, turned back to grab his phone. He needed to keep Michael informed so that his best friend would stop looking at him with worry and instead go back to looking at him with fondness.

He typed a quick text saying that he wasn't feeling well and he wouldn't need a ride to school. He added that if he felt better in the afternoon, he would walk and meet him for lunch. As he set down his phone, he took a deep breath to steel himself and began to get ready for the (long) day ahead.

Jeremy arrived at the location exactly twenty-seven minutes later. It was still dark but the beginning of dawn could be made out along the horizon. He tried to hide a small shiver at the cool breeze of the morning air. The SQUIP was already there, leaning against the padlocked gate and staring at his hands. He looked the same as he had during their last encounter, except that he now wore a blue scarf that swayed in the slight wind.  

“Punctual,” he drawled, not looking up from his nails. Jeremy noted that they were painted black. The SQUIP spoke, “I like that. It’s a good quality to have.”

“What are we doing here?” The teenager crossed his arms over his chest defensively, burying his hands in the sleeves of his sweatshirt. “It’s locked, _like I said_.”

“Watch and learn, kid,” the man said as he finally met Jeremy’s eyes. As expected, his eyes were brightly glowing blue. He held out a hand to hover over the lock and seemed to focus his energy, biting his lip ever-so-slightly. A small source of gray light appeared and suddenly, the lock fell onto the ground; broken.

“H-How’d you do that?”

The SQUIP gave a grin that looked more like a sneer and said, “ _Like I said_ , you’d be amazed at what you could do if you just put your mind to it.”

“You sound like an annoying infomercial.” Jeremy felt his phone vibrate in his pocket but he ignored it. He didn’t want to move his eyes away from the person in front of him.

“Aren’t you going to get that? It could be _Michael_ ,” he taunted.

“I’m not letting you out of my sight.”

“How romantic,” the SQUIP remarked flatly. He pushed through the gate and into the lot. Greenery pushed through cracks in the cement and a half-deconstructed brick wall split the space into two.

“Why did you choose this? Isn’t it, y’know, pretty public?”

“No one comes here. No one even comes down this street. I’ve been monitoring it for a while. It’s wide open but _actually_ private enough to work.”

“Speaking of work…” Jeremy began, but trailed off. He didn’t know what he wanted to ask. He didn’t know where to begin or what was expected of him.

“Ah, yes. I’m glad you asked,” the SQUIP nodded. “For today, I just want to observe. I’ll ask you to do things that will showcase your powers and you’ll obey. Got it?”

Jeremy could feel his heart in his throat but he agreed anyway. He had no choice, right? He couldn’t piss this guy off, it was way too risky. _Just think of Michael_. He had to do it - for him.

“Shoot a web at that wall and swing up to the top.” Jeremy did as he was asked and he was met with a sound of approval from the man. “Oh, this is going to be _fun_.”

-

When Jeremy arrived at school that afternoon, he felt sore and tired and disgusted with himself. He'd voluntarily shown his arch-enemy the full range of his powers. That was probably a bad call on his part. He pulled off his sweatshirt and shoved it into his locker, slamming the door shut when he was done. Jeremy stared at the metal hinges for a moment, feeling like he was missing something. He let out a long groan when he realized that he’d forgotten a pencil and pulled it back open. His muscles ached from exerting his powers for such an extended period of time. He had also been running on a seriously small amount of sleep, which he figured wasn't a good combination. Caught up in his own thoughts, the boy didn't notice Michael’s presence next to him until his best friend cleared his throat.

“Michael!” Jeremy started, trying to keep himself from jumping in shock. “When did you get here?”

“Uh, a few minutes ago. I saw you going to your locker so I followed. You okay?”

“Me? I'm fine. Tired. But fine.” Jeremy nodded once to himself and then again to Michael. “What about you? How was class?” He rooted through his textbooks to find his pencil and ignored the ache in his bicep.

“Fine. Jake got our entire English class out of a pop quiz today,” he responded. He played with the strings of his hoodie for a second, not entirely looking at the other boy. “Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah, much better. I just needed to sleep a little bit, that’s all.” Jeremy emerged from his locker victoriously, closing the metal door and holding his pencil with pride. “Found it.”

Michael gave him a smile and said, “Congratulations, Sherlock. Hey, by the way, did you get my text earlier?”

“Shit, sorry. No. I haven’t checked my phone.” The boy reached into his pocket and fished out the cell phone. He turned it on and saw the message:

**5:31 AM        From: michael mell straight from hell**

_hope u feel better soon bc i got a new game and we should give it a shot after school_

Jeremy looked up from his phone excitedly. “What’s the game? We should totally play. Is it zombies? Or, uh, robots? Those are your forté but maybe it’s like, aliens or something. That would be cool,” he rambled. Finally, he felt the slightest bit back to normal. BSM (Before Spider-Man) normal. Here he was, in the middle of the school corridor, eagerly discussing video games with his best friend. Nothing else mattered except the thought of spending the evening drinking slushies, eating cheese puffs, and playing a game.

“Aliens, actually. Something different!” Michael exclaimed. “It’s supposed to be like _Space Invaders_ but modernized, I guess. It seems super cool.”

“Do you want to grab snacks after school and then head to your place?”

“Absolutely.” Michael slung an arm around Jeremy’s shoulders casually, turning down the hallway to head to their next class together.


	6. aliens and slushies and squips, oh my

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jeremy tries to take his mind off of things for a night with michael
> 
> tw for mentions of blood

As soon as the final bell sounded, Michael and Jeremy met up at the latter boy’s locker since he generally had more to pack up. The taller boy usually only came to school with his headphones and a red pen. As Jeremy shoved his Chemistry book into his bag, Michael couldn’t help but admire his lean waist and the way that his shoulders seemed more defined than they used to. His best friend must have been to the gym more than a “few times”. Regardless, he looked great and Michael couldn’t help but stare.

“Michael?” Jeremy said. “Ready?” He tilted his head ever so slightly with a small gleam in his eye. Was his best friend... _staring_ at him? He hoped so. Michael’s brown eyes were locked on his torso, wandering between his waist and his chest. Jeremy fought back a grin and repeated, “Michael?”

“Oh, um,” he hesitated, immediately bringing his eyes up to Jeremy’s face. God, his best friend was beautiful. Blue eyes were looking at him inquisitively and he realized that he must have looked insane. “Yeah, sorry. Spaced out, is all.” Michael cleared his throat awkwardly. He mentally thanked every god in the pantheon for his darker skin tone so that Jeremy couldn’t see his pink-tinged cheeks.

“Ready?” Jeremy repeated. He ignored the small rush of heat to his face and hoped that his best friend wouldn’t notice. He pulled his backpack higher on his shoulder and began to walk when Michael nodded. They didn’t really speak again until they arrived at the PT Cruiser.

“So, how was the rest of your day?” Michael inquired as both boys fastened their seatbelts.

“Pretty good. I don’t have any homework tonight, so that’s cool,” Jeremy responded absentmindedly. This was comfortable, easy. It was a pleasant distraction from his morning with the SQUIP and his other concerns with the villain. All he needed was a calm night of time spent with his best friend and he would feel better.

“Remember my crush on Spider-Man?” Michael intoned nonchalantly. He pulled out of the student parking lot.

 _Jesus. This was not a pleasant distraction,_ Jeremy thought but instead he spoke, “Yeah, how could I forget? You’re crushing on the dude who’s probably like, thirty.”

“No way. He’s not thirty. No thirty-year-old would do the stuff that he does. The reckless stuff, I mean. I bet he’s our age, or maybe just a few years older.” Michael glanced over at Jeremy for a brief second before turning his eyes back to the road. “Anyway. I was going to tell you that I started a fanpage for him.”

Jeremy coughed, hard. “Y-You _what_ now?”

“I started a fanpage. Y’know, like the ones that gather up articles and pictures and things. People can join the page and it’s like a little collection of fans and-”

“No, no, Michael, I know what a fanpage is. But. For Spider-Man? _Really_? I can’t imagine anyone but you being interested in that,” he explained, picking at his nail nervously.

“Tons of people are interested, actually. That’s what’s so cool!” Michael tapped on the outside of the steering wheel absentmindedly. “There’s like, a hundred members already. I started it two days ago.”

Jeremy didn’t trust himself to speak and instead just nodded. This was the opposite of what he wanted. He never wanted fans! He was just trying to use his powers for good. He only wanted to help out around the city; be a Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man. And now he had _fans_?

“I’m just saying, my crush on him is actually moving me up in the world. That’s all,” the taller boy continued proudly. “I’ll send you the link later. It’s pretty sweet.” Jeremy felt the car stop as they pulled into 7/11. Michael hopped out of the car first, closing the door and pausing in front of the car. “Jeremy? You coming?”

“Coming,” Jeremy mumbled, stepping out of the vehicle. He couldn’t wait to drown his anxieties with frozen slush.

-

Other than the slight hiccup with the Spider-Man fanpage, the two boys were having a wonderful evening together as they sipped their slushies (red and blue, respectively) and blew up spaceships.

“Watch out!” Michael called and Jeremy dodged a hit easily.

“Thanks,” he spoke as he moved onto the next objective, Michael by his side. They’d been at it for hours now, the sun sinking down behind the horizon and slowly darkening the basement. As soon as the current mission came to an end, Jeremy let himself fall back in the chair. He hadn’t noticed how exhausted he felt until he looked at the clock. It was nearing midnight and they both had school the next day. He stifled a yawn and felt Michael’s eyes on him.

“Want to call it a night?” Michael asked with a hint of a smile. It wasn’t his fault that his best friend was so cute.

“It’s okay, we can keep going if you want to. I could stay awake for another mission.” As if on cue, he yawned again, this time much more noticeably. How could his body betray him like this? “Seriously, I’m good.”

“Dude, you’re totally falling asleep.”

“Am not,” Jeremy responded, although he could feel the tiredness in his bones. He didn’t _want_ to call it a night. This was the first time in forever that he’d felt even slightly normal and he didn’t want that to end quite yet. He knew that he’d probably get another call from the SQUIP soon, he’d probably have to go and showcase his weaknesses so that the villain could win. He’d have to protect Michael instead of doing his job and protecting the greater good. He couldn’t leave behind this night, not when he was just Player Two again. Not when it seemed so simple in the game: find the bad guys, push them aside, and move on forward with Michael by his side.

“Nah, c’mon. I’m tired, too. We can finish the game another time.” The taller boy set his controller down on the carpeted floor and pushed himself out of the beanbag chair. He reached a hand out to help Jeremy up and spoke softly, “You look exhausted.”

“I am,” the other boy admitted, taking Michael’s hand and standing up. He watched his best friend’s eyes on him for a moment before he turned towards the bed. They had changed into their pajamas a few bathroom breaks ago, Jeremy in some low-hanging sweatpants and a graphic tee-shirt with a chemistry pun printed on it. Michael was wearing some pajama pants and a tank top, which Jeremy was a fan of. He sat on the edge of the bed, trying not to focus on the day’s end. It had been a great evening. There was no use in mourning for times that were passing by, not when he had other things to focus on. He needed to wake up the next morning and be ready for whatever came his way. With distaste, Jeremy welcomed a second thought: it didn’t matter if he was ready. He would have to do it either way. Shaking his head, he pulled back Michael’s duvet.

“Jeremy?”

“Yeah, Michael?” He pushed his way under the covers and laid on his back.

“I wish you’d tell me what’s going on,” the taller boy sighed and he climbed under the covers. He turned onto his side and Jeremy could feel his eyes on him.

The aforementioned boy closed his own eyes, hoping that it would make Michael turn away. His best friend didn’t need more worry in his life. “I’m sorry,” he murmured, knowing that he couldn’t defer the topic away. “I wish I would, too.”

Michael propped himself up on an elbow, chin resting on his palm. “Then do it. Tell me what’s on your mind.” His voice was so soft and patient and kind. Jeremy kind of wanted to cry.

“It’s just,” Jeremy paused to swallow the lump in his throat. “I just had a really nice day with you, that’s all. And I don’t want it to be over.”

“We can have a million more nice days like this, Jere,” he responded with a small hint of a breathy laugh. It was endearing, really, how sensitive Jeremy was to things like this.

“But I don’t know how much longer I have,” he spoke softly. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter and at Michael’s sharp intake of breath, he realized how that must have sounded. “Not like that. Sorry. It’s just...I’m really caught up in the middle of something right now. And I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to have nice days like this without worrying about this...thing.”

“What are you caught up in?” Michael’s tone had turned to one full of concern, his brows furrowing. He _knew_ something was bothering the other boy. He just knew. “Jeremy, I can help. Whatever it is, it can’t possibly be that bad.”

“It can be, Michael,” Jeremy answered immediately. He opened his eyes to glance at the other boy. “It sucks, that’s all. I can’t really go into details.”

“Can you give me a hint?”

“No, Michael. I’m sorry,” he closed his eyes once more and rolled over onto his side so that he was facing away from the boy’s prying gaze. “I’m just overtired, I think. I’ll feel better in the morning. I had fun tonight.” He pushed himself up for half a second to turn off the lamp on his side of the bed. Once the room was plunged into darkness, he laid back down with a sigh.

“I had fun, too,” Michael said. He slowly inched closer to his best friend, desperately wanting to help. But if Jeremy didn’t want his help, then what could be done? He chewed on his lower lip before moving the last few inches and closing the distance between them. He draped an arm over Jeremy’s midsection which was surprisingly firm (when did he get abs?) and rested his other arm underneath his own head. Michael half expected Jeremy to pull away, so he was shocked when the boy scooted even closer and pushed his back against the taller boy’s chest. “You know you can tell me anything, right?” Michael spoke softly into Jeremy’s ear.

“I know,” Jeremy whispered. Louder, he said, “Goodnight. You’re the best.”

“I’ll be here. Whenever you’re ready to talk,” he said with a more gentle tone that he reserved only for his best friend.

Jeremy mumbled, more to himself than to Michael, “Someday,” and then closed his eyes. Before he knew it, he was drifting off to sleep.

-

Fire. Everything was on fire and screams were at ten-thousand decibels and Jeremy couldn’t take it. He couldn’t do it. He was standing in the middle of it all, his suit torn and his mask off, debris narrowly missing him with every passing wind. He couldn’t do it; he couldn’t save them. Buildings were collapsing around him, the SQUIP hovering menacingly above it all. He cackled as Jeremy tried desperately to do _something,_ to save even _one_ person. His webs wouldn’t work, they wouldn’t come out. The SQUIP had figured out a way to make them useless. His reflexes were slower, his super strength was gone. A piece of metal swung around behind him, hitting his back and knocking him to his knees. He looked up at the villain, saw his red-glowing eyes. Jeremy could hear people all over the city calling for help, he could hear sirens and gunshots and yelling. He just needed it all to _stop._ Suddenly, Michael was on the ground, mere feet in front of him. He was just lying there, not moving, not making a noise.

“See what you’ve done, Jeremy? You’ve killed him. You did this!” The SQUIP watched with a smile as Jeremy stumbled over to his best friend’s broken body.

“Michael,” he spoke frantically, the air leaving his body. “Michael, wake up.” Jeremy pressed a hand against Michael’s chest, against the torn hole in that _stupid_ red hoodie. His hand came away with blood, _too much blood_. Jeremy let out a choked sob, gripping the boy’s shoulders tightly. “Michael! C’mon, Michael, you’re my best friend. You can’t leave me!” He yelled louder and louder, shaking the other boy. “You can’t leave me!” He repeated. Michael would wake up. He had to.

“Michael shouldn’t have gotten caught in the crossfire,” the SQUIP noted with a raised brow. “He should have known that Spider-Man wouldn’t save him.”

“Michael, please!” Jeremy was sobbing now, his chest heaving. What was he supposed to do? His best friend was...he was...

He wasn’t. That was the entire problem. _He wasn’t_. Not breathing, not moving, not existing. Not anymore.

“Please,” Jeremy said, quieter now. His voice drew into a hoarse whisper. “You can’t leave me.”

-

“Jeremy?” Michael’s voice rang out, loud and clear, cutting through the wasteland of Jeremy’s subconscious. “ _Jeremy_.”

He felt himself shaking. Why was he shaking? No, he was being shaken. Strong arms were gripping his biceps and he suddenly jolted awake. Panicking for a moment, he looked at his surroundings before his eyes settled on a face above him. As his vision adjusted to the dark, he could make out the features. Brown skin, black hair, and glasses framing concerned eyes stared down at him.

 _Open_ eyes. Michael’s eyes were _open_. He was moving, he was breathing. He was _here_. Jeremy pushed himself up in an instant, pulling Michael into his chest with all of the strength he could muster. He was aware of a weird dampness on his face and realized that he was probably crying, but that didn’t matter. Michael was alive. He was okay.

“You’re okay,” Jeremy murmured, more for his benefit than for Michael’s. “You’re _okay_.”

“Of course I’m okay,” the other boy responded. His tone became more confused and less urgent. “Are you?”

Jeremy nodded emphatically. He still hadn’t released his best friend and instead was holding him tighter with each passing second. “I’m just really glad to see you.”

“Um,” Michael spoke, pulling back just enough so that he could look into the smaller boy’s face. “I’m...glad to see you, too?”

Jeremy found that his eyes had finally stopped producing tears and he sniffled slightly. He loosened his grip on his best friend to fall back against his pillow. He then turned onto his side so that he could keep an eye on the other boy, so that he could watch him breathe. Michael kept his eyes locked on Jeremy as he lowered himself onto his side, too, and he reached a hand out to gently touch the smaller boy’s cheek.

The warmness of the touch reminded him of how real Michael was, how solid. How alive. Jeremy leaned into the contact and let out a long breath, trying to calm himself down. Everything was fine.

“Was it a nightmare?” Michael asked, his voice gentle and low.

Jeremy nodded and said, “Yeah. Sorry, did I wake you up?”

The other boy shook his head in response. “I got up to get some water and you were crying. I thought maybe something happened, but then I saw that you were asleep.”

“Sorry for freaking out on you,” Jeremy spoke softly. “I’m okay.”

Michael said, “Okay,” but didn’t seem convinced. His eyes still hadn’t stopped searching the blue ones across from him. His hand still hadn’t stopped caressing the other boy’s jawline. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Jeremy reached his own hand up to rest on top of Michael’s. “I just. I had this image of you, like. Just...dead.” On the last syllable, his voice broke but he couldn’t find it in himself to be embarrassed, not in front of his best friend. He pushed down the lump in his throat.

Michael’s face softened immediately, his head tilting ever-so-slightly. His brows furrowed and he stared into the other boy’s eyes intensely. “Jeremy,” he said like it was the only word he knew.

“But. You’re okay. You’re not dying,” Jeremy intoned.

“I’m not dying,” Michael confirmed. He pushed himself closer so that his forehead could rest against the shorter boy’s. “I’m here. I’ve got you.”

Jeremy closed his eyes and focused on the sound of Michael’s breathing. Everything was okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i kind of have some direction for this now so that's cool. i'm hoping this will be finished before i leave for college! 
> 
> also i've seen spiderman homecoming in theaters twice and it was SO GOOD. 1000/10 everyone should see tom holland as peter. 
> 
> hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! i had fun writing it!


	7. the squip lurks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things progress with the squip and jeremy fights some crime
> 
> not a whole lot of relationship stuff in this one (sorry!) but it's plot building

Jeremy's second session with the SQUIP wasn't as tiring as the first, but he also hadn't done much in the realm of physicality. The man required that he bring his suit so that tests could be run on it. Part of the boy’s brain told him that this was a horrible, no good, very bad idea. What if the SQUIP decided to sabotage it, or something? Regardless of his concerns, the suit had been handed over. When his hesitance was showcased, the villain had simply reminded Jeremy of what - or rather, who - was on the line.

After the appointment was over, Jeremy took his suit back and decided to make up for the pit in his stomach with some good, old-fashioned, vigilante justice. He changed in an alley, leaving his clothes hidden behind a dumpster. Not the most hygienic place, but better than nothing.

The boy ventured out along rooftops and power lines. Dusk was setting in and encapsulating the city in a low, hazy light. The brightness of the buildings guided him along each street and he remembered why he loved protecting the city so much. He considered how it felt to get this view as often as he wanted, how beautiful the sunset was from the top of skyscrapers. How cool it was to find a car thief or a small-time robber and know instantly that he would win. That was an opportunity that most people would never get - and he had it constantly! Jeremy watched the city from one of his favorite spots, his legs dangling over the side of an indescribably tall building. He wasn't sure of what was inside the exterior, but he often saw lights flickering off and on at odd hours, so he assumed it was a business of some sort with overworking associates.

Jeremy wondered if he’d ever have an office job someday, if Spider-Man was really all there was for him. Not that the heroism wasn't _enough_ but he surely couldn't keep it up forever. On second thought, he probably could. He figured that he was likely to die young anyway, what with his current track record. He considered the possibility of a future where he was just _normal_ and for some reason, he couldn't picture it.

The boy was pulled from his thoughts as his phone rang. He jumped ever so slightly, tearing his eyes away from the streets. Michael was calling him. Jeremy pulled his mask up just enough to free his mouth of the muffled noise that the fabric could produce over the phone.

“Hey,” Michael’s voice greeted. “What's up?”

“Not a whole lot,” Jeremy said. He refocused his eyes on the pedestrians and cars and lights. “Just finishing up some homework.”

“C’mon, dude, it’s _Saturday_. Give yourself a night off,” the other boy chastised kindly. He cleared his throat and then added, “I was calling to see if you want to come over tomorrow. We could rent a movie, or something. I reorganized my room and it's no good if I can't show it off.”

“By ‘reorganized’, do you mean that you alphabetized your games and moved your record player off of your desk?” Jeremy gave a small laugh.

“How'd you know?” Michael spoke, his smile evident through the phone.

“You hate change, Michael Mell.” Jeremy pushed a pebble over the side of the building and watched it fall...and fall...and fall. “I would love to hang out with you tomorrow, though. You pick the movie and I’ll be there.”

“Great. Can't wait,” the taller boy said. “What homework do you have, anyway? I have nothing.”

“Make-up work from earlier this week,” Jeremy answered smoothly. As Michael responded, his eye caught movement down below. What was it? Guys messing around or something more? He observed the scene, one man chasing another, and his senses finally gave him some warning. A small tingle trailed along his spine.

“And Christine is so funny, did you know-”

“Michael, sorry, I have to go. I, um, I think my dad is calling me,” he said quickly. He stood up and brushed himself off, preparing for the confrontation.

“Oh, okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow.” As the line went dead, Jeremy pocketed his phone and pulled his mask down. Time for some _fun._

He swung down to the alleyway, making sure to be quiet. He wasn't sure if the attacker had a gun and there was nothing more important than the safety of the victim. As he lowered himself down, he could make out the situation. It was a typical mugging and the attacker didn't have a gun but rather held a knife. The other man was pressed against brick and looked panicked, his hand reaching into his pocket for what could only be assumed to be a wallet.

Jeremy cleared his throat loudly and planted his feet firmly on the ground a few feet away from them. “What's up, guys?”

“Spider-Man,” the victim gasped.

“Get out of here. This doesn't concern you,” the mugger spoke with a grumble.

“I mean, it kind of does.” He gestured to the spider symbol on his chest and said, “Vigilante justice, and all.”

“Do you want a knife in your chest, kid?”

“Aw, you would do that for me?” Jeremy responded in his best faux-amazed voice. In an instant, he shot a web out to apprehend the man’s knife. The mugger, his face red and his fists curled, lunged for the boy. The other man took the opportunity to run away, not even glancing behind him.

“Listen, Spidey, I need to make money somehow. I don't appreciate you interfering with my business.”

“I don't appreciate you robbing people. It's actually a really shitty thing to do, man,” Jeremy said. Before the man could respond, he was webbed to the brick wall. Jeremy pulled his phone out to call the police and stared at the now-defeated robber as he did so. “Hello, 911? Yeah, I found a robber in the alley on 36th and North. Looks like Spider-Man got to him.” As the call ended, he gave one last glance at the man and began to walk away.

“Hey! Come back here!”

Jeremy continued on, ignoring the yelling as he shot a web to a nearby lamp-post and swung away from the scene.

-

Jeremy spent the next day at Michael's house, relaxing and watching movies and letting his mind numb a bit. Being with the other boy always reminded him of fireworks, not in the stupid cliché way but in the sense that when fireworks are on display, nothing else mattered for those fifteen minutes. Head held to the sky, ears focused on music. Nothing else mattered. He figured that everyone needed someone like Michael in their lives—just not _his_ Michael.

They had a great day together and then the smaller boy climbed out of bed at five in the morning and jostled the other awake.

“Where are you going? It’s too early,” Michael asked, his voice heavy with sleep.

“I have a project that I need to work on before school. Sorry. I’ll see you later,” Jeremy whispered in response. Michael nodded, his sleepy brain not even thinking to inquire more. Once he fell back to sleep, Jeremy ran a hand through his best friend’s hair gently, gazing at his peaceful features before turning to leave.

His third session with the SQUIP seemed more rigorous than the previous ones, only because the villain had attached electrodes to the boy as he was told to repeat stunt after stunt. Something about monitoring brain activity. He wasn’t a fan. He felt like a monkey doing tricks and made sure that the SQUIP knew about his displeasure.

“I need to know how your brain-waves work, Jeremy. What kind of study would it be if I didn’t do this?”

“A slightly more ethical one.”

“Tsk-tsk. You know well enough by now that ‘ethical’,” the SQUIP spoke, making air quotes with his fingers, “Isn’t really my style.”

Jeremy grumbled something about how horrible the man was to which he responded, “Twenty push-ups, kid.”

-

The fourth SQUIP-Session, as Jeremy liked to think of it, wasn’t horrible. It had been a mediocre day of school and as much as he hated the villain, at least it was something to do. Actually, he didn’t really do much—but he did sit on the rough asphalt as the villain typed away on his tablet.

The teenager kicked at a few rocks and asked, “What are you even doing?”

He crafted another line of code and then said, “Typing,” with a rather chastising tone.

“Right, but,” Jeremy spoke, “Why am I here, then?”

“Because you’re going to test this out for me.”

“The code?”

“No, kid. _This_.” The SQUIP held up a gray capsule roughly the size of a tic-tac.

Jeremy’s chest felt all tight and weird again. “What is  _that_?”

“I guess you’ll find out, won’t you?” The man pressed a few more buttons and let out a sigh. “Alright, I guess this is it.” He held the pill out in the palm of his hand.

“This goes against literally everything that I’ve ever been taught,” Jeremy said as he picked up the capsule. He could see staggered blue lines, branching out all around the casing. “It looks like a hard drive.”

“It essentially is, Jeremy. Now just swallow it.” The boy must have looked hesitant because the SQUIP added, “If you won’t do it, then I can gladly find a new test subject. Maybe one named Michael?”

Jeremy furrowed his brows and stared at the SQUIP coldly. “I’ll take it. I will,” he murmured. “Just give me a second.”

He thought of Michael. Michael with his perfect hair and kind eyes and friendly smile. He thought of that soft tone that the other boy only reserved for him. He thought about all of the times that Michael had been there for him in the past, all of the times he had saved him without even knowing.

Jeremy figured that maybe when this was all over, when the SQUIP won, maybe he would let the two of them go free. Maybe they’d move to Europe and find a countryside where no one has ever heard of superheroes. Maybe he would just be with Michael and they’d both forget about their hometown and how Jeremy had handed it over willingly.

“C’mon, kid. It takes twenty-four hours to activate. You’ll put me behind schedule.”

In one swift motion, he swallowed the pill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is so short!
> 
> hey everyone how are your lives i hope you're doing well


	8. car chases and italian food (what a party)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jeremy fights some petty thieves and michael is jealous

After he left the SQUIP, Jeremy didn’t feel any different. He remembered that the man said it would take twenty-four hours for the pill to activate, so he figured that it was relatively safe for him to take down a few petty criminals - safe in the sense that the SQUIP couldn’t affect him or throw off his abilities, at least.

Dark had fallen by the time he made it to his usual post. Jeremy settled with his legs folded under him (criss-cross applesauce, as Michael used to call it when they sat down together for reading-time in the first grade) and kept his eyes open for any danger. After a few moments of silence, he was beginning to think that maybe it would be a quiet night. Maybe he’d find a lost pet or two and get a churro on his way home. _That would be nice_ , he thought. It was usually never this silent on Fridays.

His peace was interrupted when he heard a loud _CRASH_ from a few blocks over. He pulled himself up, wary of the noise, and then immediately sprang from his position to follow it. When he located the source of the sound, he found three masked men crowded around an ATM. One was holding a rather large sledgehammer and another had a crowbar. The third was holding a duffel-bag and emptying money into it.

“Did you guys forget your PIN or something? You can reset it, y’know,” Jeremy called, lowering himself above the ATM. He hung upside-down, his feet gripping the web as well as his hands.

The man with the bag immediately began piling money in even faster as the other two jumped at the interruption. Sledgehammer Guy raised the appliance slowly. In a surprisingly quick move, he swung for the masked teenager. Jeremy dodged the hit easily, letting go of his web to land on the asphalt. “That was rude,” he quipped. “Let’s not do that again, okay guys?”

Crowbar Guy took a step closer and Jeremy would be damned if he let another cliché crowbar get the best of him. He kicked the weapon out of the man’s hands, hearing a _clang_ as it landed. Crowbar Guy took one look at Spider-Man and ran in the opposite direction. Smart.

Duffel-Bag Guy seemed to have collected all that he wanted in the commotion so he began to run, too. Sledgehammer Guy followed and Jeremy shot a web to hold them back. “Sorry guys, I can’t let you go.”

Sledgehammer Guy turned around, fighting against the web. His weapon was still dangling freely and he narrowed his eyes at Jeremy beneath his ski-mask. He swung the hammer at the teenager once more, but this time he let go. The full weight hit Jeremy in the chest, knocking him to the ground. As he regained his breath, the two men were already climbing into a stereotypical black van. Seriously, did robbers _try_ to be predictable?

Jeremy pushed himself up, ignoring the pain in his chest. He ran after the van, shooting a web to catch it. The web stuck to the bumper of the vehicle as he was dragged behind it. He felt his suit tearing against the roadway, but he had to keep a strong hold. He didn’t want them to get away.

The van turned a sharp corner, throwing Jeremy into the brick corner of a building harshly. He grimaced at the pain in his ribs but held on tightly. Suddenly, the back door popped open and he could see one of the men pointing a gun at him. He wasn’t sure who it was due to the change of accessories and the ski-masks, but the man looked fully intent to shoot. In fact, he did. The first bullet swept by Jeremy’s ear, ricocheting off of a trash can. Another buzzed by his right arm, piercing the skin just lightly and he let go of the web, now only holding on with his left. He tried to pull himself closer, but the van turned yet another corner and threw Jeremy into a pile of trash bags.

They cushioned his landing, but didn’t help the disappointment that overcame him as he watched the van speeding further and further away. He tried to recall anything: a face, a license plate, but nothing would come to mind as he ached. Jeremy let his head fall back against the garbage, deciding that the situation couldn’t get worse anyway. His skin was scraped in a million places from his torn suit, his arm was bleeding, and it hurt to breathe. How had a routine robbery gone south so quickly? He shifted in place, groaning when his ribs caught fire. There was no way he could move. He’d have to lay there until he healed enough to get home; or until someone found him. Both thoughts were equally horrifying. He let his eyes close and tried to block out everything else.

-

“Spider-Man? Spider-Man, are you okay? _Stai bene_ ? _Salve_?”

Jeremy slowly woke up, opening his eyes to see a skinny-faced, mustached, kind-looking elderly man.

“You slept in my garbage,” the man said. “This morning, I come to work and see you! The Spider-Man!”

“I-I’m sorry, Sir, I’ll get out of your way.” Jeremy hurried to sit up. His ribs still ached, but it was nothing compared to the previous night. He figured that his bullet-wound was done bleeding from the gross sticky feeling in the arm of his suit. He had recovered enough to go home and sleep it off.

“No, no,” the man said. “It’s okay. _Bene_. Are you alright?”

“I’m alright,” Jeremy spoke. He stood slowly, the man pressing a hand against his back to assist him. “Thank you.”

“Oh, my pleasure, Spider-Man. You saved my restaurant a few weeks ago. _Grato_. We’re very thankful for you.”

The boy was suddenly aware of where he was. This was he and Michael’s most frequented Italian restaurant—Buon Cibo had the best breadsticks in the tri-state area. “Mr. Rossi!” Jeremy said immediately. _Now_ he could recognize his face. “It was no problem. I’d be lost without your place.”

“You know my restaurant,” Mr. Rossi said, his face brightening even more. “Take some food home, on the house.”

“I couldn’t, but thank-”

“Spider-Man.” Mr. Rossi held up a hand. “You saved my business. _Grato_. Take some soup, at least. Good for injury.”

-

Jeremy ended up with two bowls of minestrone and a bag full of breadsticks, free of charge. He went home to shower, letting the steam seep into his cuts and scrapes. It shouldn’t have felt good, but the burn was steady and consistent and kept him from thinking about his life being one failure after the other. The previous night had been a new low for him. Honestly, he slept in _literal garbage_.

After the shower, Jeremy dried off and got his first-aid kit out from under the sink. He bandaged his arm, wrapping gauze and tape over his disinfected injury. His chest was covered in light bruising, a few angry blue ones scattered around. Jeremy threw on some jeans and a loose shirt, then his cardigan. His ribs certainly felt bruised but it was nothing that he couldn’t deal with. The boy ran a hand through his hair, brushed his teeth, and doused himself in body-spray. He hoped that he no longer smelled like garbage.

He left his house, food from Buon Cibo in hand, and made his way to Michael’s. He just wanted to eat some soup, play some games, and forget that he was a total failure. He walked up to the front door and texted Michael.

 

**1:13 PM        To: michael mell straight from hell**

_hey i’m outside. i have food_

 

Moments later, the taller boy opened the door. Originally, he had a look of skepticism on his face (which Jeremy thought was odd, but didn’t focus on it too much). The suspicion turned into a smile when he saw the bag in Jeremy’s hand and he stepped aside to let him in. “I was just about to get some lunch. Perfect timing,” he said. They walked into the kitchen and sat at the table, soft light streaming through the windows.

“So, why’d you get Buon Cibo? I mean, I’m thankful,” Michael spoke, pulling a breadstick from the bag. “But it’s kind of out of the way.”

“I was in the area,” Jeremy said. It wasn’t a lie. Michael nodded and took a bite of the bread, nodding approvingly. They ate in a comfortable silence for a while.

The taller boy cleared his throat. “So, where were you last night?”

“What?” Jeremy asked. He tried to keep the shocked look off of his face, but the other boy’s inquisitive stare told him that he wasn’t succeeding.

“You dad called and asked if you were here. Apparently you didn’t come home last night.”

“Why does he care? It’s not like he comes home half the time.”

Michael sighed, “That’s not important. I told him that you were with me.” Jeremy nodded gratefully. “But you obviously weren’t. So where were you?”

“I was out...shopping. It got late. He must not have seen me come in,” he said in what he hoped was a rational manner. “I left pretty early this morning so we just missed each other, I imagine.”

“Oh,” the other boy nodded. “That makes sense.”

“Yeah,” Jeremy agreed.

“So you went shopping alone?”

“Yeah?” Jeremy took a bite of a breadstick and shrugged. He didn't know why Michael was being so weird. “Why?”

“Just curious,” he responded. He put his hands up in mock surrender. “I never know what you're up to these days.”

“I've just been running a lot of errands, that's all.” The tension in the room was palpable and Jeremy cleared his throat awkwardly.

“Dustin Kropp saw you with some guy at the eleventh street lot.”

Jeremy nearly choked. _What? How? Had he seen anything?_

Michael kept talking, “Do you have a boyfriend, or something? You know you could tell me.”

The shorter boy wanted to die. He wanted to die so much at that moment. The SQUIP? His _boyfriend_? “You know that I would tell you. You know I would.”

“Would you?” Michael chewed on his lower lip. It wasn't like he was jealous. If Jeremy had a boyfriend, well, good for him. He didn't care. He _didn't_.

He just didn't understand why his best friend had been acting so strangely for so long and why he was apparently hanging out with some older guy without telling anyone. He didn't even know if Jeremy _liked_ boys. He wouldn't be surprised but he certainly would feel a million times worse; now that he could _maybe_ have a chance of his feelings for the other boy being mutual, someone had beaten him to it.

“Michael, of course I would. I tell you everything,” Jeremy said, crossing his arms stubbornly.

“Honestly, Jere? You tell me _everything_. Really?”

“I tell you what I can,” he corrected stubbornly. He knew that it was getting into dangerous territory so he said, “He’s not a boyfriend. I’m helping him with a project, that’s all. He said it would look good on an application.” Jeremy knew that he needed to stop digging this hole deeper and deeper. He knew that he should have stopped talking even as he began.

“So why did that never come up in conversation?” Michael asked, but the bite was out of his voice. He knew that Jeremy didn’t have a boyfriend. The thought was comforting.

“It’s supposed to be a secret until the project is done. I’m sorry,” the boy stated, his shoulders slumping.

“I don’t know what’s going on with you,” Michael said. He didn’t mean it in a rude way, but he literally _did not know_ what was going on. Ever. Jeremy seemed so...complicated, recently. He’d never been complicated before.

“Nothing is going on with me.”

The taller boy pushed his bowl of soup away from himself, crossing his arms. He leaned back in the chair. “Is there anything else you aren’t telling me?”

“No, Michael. That’s all,” he lied. Jeremy couldn’t stand the distrust in his best friend’s eyes so he focused his attention back on his food. “I’m sorry.”

After a painfully long silence, Michael opened his mouth to speak. “So…” The other boy was obviously trying to figure out how to guide the conversation back to normal. “You were out shopping?”

Jeremy nodded, rocking his head a bit to show his confirmation clearly.

“What for?”

“Clothes, mainly. Dad was going to take me, but he’s been busy with work.”

Michael unfolded his arms and reached out for his bowl. He pulled it closer to himself and asked, “You were in the city last night? Wasn’t there, like, a crazy chase with Spider-Man?”

Man, news traveled fast. He got dragged behind a van _one time_ , and everyone knew. “Yeah, I guess so.” Jeremy shrugged. “I wasn’t in that part of town, though.”

The other boy hummed and stared at his hands for a moment before looking back up at Jeremy. “Do you carry any pepper spray or anything?”

“No,” he responded. “Why?”

“Just, I don’t know,” Michael spoke gently. “It’s just. You were in the city. Alone. At night. Did you forget that you were mugged?”

Jeremy sat up straighter in his chair. Actually, yes. He had forgotten about that conversation. “No.”

“I feel like you should carry something. Just to be safe.” The taller boy looked back down to his hands. He swallowed thickly and then added, “I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

And, well. If Jeremy didn’t melt right there on the spot. He knew that the other boy worried for him, even if it was uninvited, and it was comforting to know that someone gave a shit. That _he_ gave a shit. “Michael…”

“I know. I know that you’re fine and that you can take care of yourself. But, Jeremy, the crime rates are so high. All the time. And I don’t know what I’d do if you got hurt again.”

“I won’t get hurt again,” Jeremy reassured, feeling like a fraud. He gave a small smile and said, “See? Perfectly fine!”

“You’re a dork.” Michael let out a huff of laughter and suddenly, things felt normal again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys, sorry this is so late. i won't get into it but my dad just recently went on hospice and i haven't really had the time or the energy to write. i'm not stopping this story by any means but my updates will be more sporadic just so everyone is aware. i still love this story and have a lot of ideas to flesh out when i'm able to. 
> 
> thanks to everyone for your support and comments, it means everything to me that people actually like my writing. i hope you all have wonderful days and don't stress too much about back to school season


	9. everything is great and nothing could possibly go wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jeremy and michael get a lil steamy and then a lot upset

“Michael, catch it! Are you even trying?”

“Of course I’m trying, weirdo. You just have bad aim,” Michael explained after his third failed attempt. Jeremy was sitting across from him on the floor of the living room with a bowl of popcorn haphazardly balanced in his lap. He lifted yet another piece and exaggerated the arc of the throw. Michael opened his mouth at the last second and caught it, raising his hands up in victory.

Jeremy clapped softly as the other boy took a small bow as well as he could from the ground. “Thank you, thank you,” Michael grinned. The movie they’d popped in about an hour ago—Jurassic Park: The Lost World—played in the background, forgotten. Jeremy had insisted that they watch a classic and his best friend had insisted on staring at Dr. Ian Malcolm for two hours, so they both won in the end. However, during the course of the film, they had migrated from the couch onto the carpet, turning from the TV towards each other.

“Took you long enough,” the shorter boy laughed.

Michael opened his mouth slightly, feigning offense. “It’s not my fault that you’ve got crazy reflexes. You’re like some popcorn-catching robot.”

“Excuses,” Jeremy said. He pushed his fingers through his hair, focusing back in on the dinosaur roars and rumbles in the background. “Hey, you’re missing Ian Malcolm.”

“I can stare at him anytime,” Michael shrugged, thinking that he would much rather stare at Jeremy.

“If you say so.”

The light in the room flickered with the brightness of the movie and not much else. Jeremy could really only make out his best friend’s face in the dim lighting, glasses and nose and lips. A few hairs out of place, as usual, and the outline of Michael’s trusty headphones. He was beautiful. Not that this beauty was revolutionary for the shorter boy; he just liked to admire the other whenever he could.

“What are you looking at?” Michael asked, his voice low. He tilted his head slightly and a ghost of a smile danced across his dim features.

“You,” Jeremy responded before he could think otherwise. He immediately felt his heart jump to his throat and he stammered, “I-I mean, you just. Had a hair. I’ll-”

Michael sat still while Jeremy reached over and tucked a piece of hair back into its rightful spot. “Thanks,” he said. He could feel his cheeks heating up and he cleared his throat. “We should, uh, we should watch the rest of the movie. I think it’s towards the end.”

“Yeah, we should.” Neither boy made any attempt to move. Michael _so_ wished that he could just close the gap between them. He wished that he could pull the shorter boy into his arms and kiss him and tell him how he’s felt for seven years...but Jeremy probably wouldn’t like it. It would make the friendship weird and so Michael decided that he should probably just suffer in silence. Still, he couldn’t keep his mind from wandering back to his best friend’s lips.

And then, suddenly, those lips were against his own. Jeremy was kissing _him_.

Jeremy didn’t know what he was thinking. He could only admire the other boy from afar for so long. He hoped that this didn’t make Michael hate him or think that he was weird. In the moment, it had seemed like a grand idea. But now that it was _actually happening?_

Okay. To be fair, it was still a grand idea. The kiss was incredible. Jeremy was pulling Michael’s shoulders and Michael was letting himself be pulled and they both just needed to be so much _closer_. Michael tasted like popcorn and coffee and skittles, which shouldn’t have been a good combination but totally _was_. The smaller boy let himself focus only on how soft and warm and beautiful it was to be kissing _freaking Michael Mell_ , of all people. He hoped that when this was over, his best friend would allow him to laugh it off as late-night hysteria.

It absolutely was not just late-night hysteria.

Michael was kind and cute and caring and...kissing him back. He was his best friend in the whole world, his Player One. He was Jeremy’s everything. _And he was kissing back._

“Jer-” Michael stammered, trying to break the kiss but letting himself be pulled back in. “Jeremy, I-”

“What?” Jeremy asked, stopping the kiss and leaning his forehead against the other boys. Both were panting heavily, their hearts skyrocketing.

“I just. I want this,” the taller boy assured, which made Jeremy smile like there was no tomorrow. “I want to make sure that you want it too. This.” He made a vague gesture between the two of them. “Us.”

“Of course I do,” Jeremy nodded eagerly, pressing his lips against Michael’s once more. He paused for a moment, breathing against the boy’s lips. “I’ve wanted this for way longer than you know.”

“Me too,” Michael murmured, connecting their lips once more. He wrapped an arm around Jeremy’s waist, needing him closer. Their chests were heaving against one another, their hands moving and pushing and pulling and grabbing. Jeremy needed to be sure that this was real, that Michael was here. That Michael was kissing him. He squeezed too tightly around his best friend’s arm, eliciting a small yelp against his mouth. With a grin, he deepened the kiss.

Jeremy’s eyes were closed but the strong arm around his midsection moved him slowly and he could feel his back making contact with the carpet. Michael straddled him, opening his mouth slightly and allowing Jeremy the opportunity to take advantage of the position.

The smaller boy ran his tongue along the other’s upper lip and he felt a shiver against his chest, which he figured was a good sign. He had absolutely no idea what he was doing, but his best friend seemed to. Jeremy ran a hand across Michael’s back, pulling him closer. They were a mess of limbs and heavy breathing and Michael breathed, “This okay?” and Jeremy nodded and then the kiss _intensified,_ and the shorter boy thought his heart might explode right then and there.

Michael’s hands were on the back of his neck. They were trailing from the base of his skull down his shoulders and biceps and their hands met. Jeremy pulled back from the other boy’s lips for a moment to kiss the underside of his best friend’s jawline. He’d wanted to kiss the sharp angle of Michael’s jaw since he was thirteen, so he did. Michael tilted his head back and his mouth opened. It was a _godly_ sight.

Jeremy took the opportunity to push himself up on his elbows, to keep kissing the taller boy’s neck. He let his eyes fall shut as Michael’s hands continued to wander, pressing against his chest and shoulders and the small of his back. He was so caught up in the moment that he didn’t notice when his cardigan began to slip off of his arms. Michael was pulling it off and Jeremy’s breath caught in his throat for a moment when he remembered the gauze along his bicep, but he figured that they were both a bit preoccupied and it was dark so everything was probably okay. Michael wouldn’t notice.

And then a hand brushed down from his shoulder, hitting the bandage. Michael paused curiously, keeping his hand frozen against the injury. He slowed his breathing and opened his eyes to look at the smaller boy. “Jeremy?” The blue cardigan was collapsed around the aforementioned boy’s wrists, piled pathetically.

Jeremy made a slight hum in the back of his throat, not wanting the situation to progress. He swallowed nervously and pushed his head into Michael’s shoulder, staring at the carpet below him.

“What is this?” Michael’s voice was oddly calm.

“It’s nothing, Michael,” Jeremy mumbled. He just wanted to go back to making out. That was nice, wasn’t it? Where did that go wrong?

“Jeremy, there’s blood,” he said. His voice was flat. Jeremy could hear the other boy’s heartbeat quickening its pace.

“Don’t worry about it.”

Michael pushed himself off of Jeremy’s lap, choosing instead to sit on the floor next to him, investigating the bandage. “Don’t tell me not to worry. What happened?”

“I scraped it.”

“No you fucking didn’t,” Michael spoke. His tone carried more acid than before, like he had finally decided how he felt. His fingers pressed lightly against the edges of the gauze, eyeing the blossom of red in the middle.

“Michael, c’mon, it’s not a big deal. Let’s just go back to kissing,” Jeremy said dismissively. “I was having a nice time.”

“Why are you being so cryptic if it’s nothing? Why are you so cryptic all the time, Jeremy?”

Jeremy refused to meet Michael’s prying eyes and he said, “Look, Michael, I care about you. A lot. Isn’t that enough?”

The taller boy signed, steeled himself, and then murmured, “If you cared about me then you would take care of yourself.”

And, well. Jeremy didn’t have a remark for that. He simply shook his head and said, “You don’t understand what I’m dealing with.”

“I could try. If you would tell me,” Michael said tenderly. He leaned closer and pressed a chaste kiss against Jeremy’s cheek. “I just...Jer, you have to see this from my point of view. You _swore_ that you were fine earlier, and now I see this. Which you apparently didn’t think was relevant during our conversation.”

“I do. I see it,” Jeremy admitted. He cast his eyes to the floor. Nothing could be done. He was stuck with the SQUIP’s rules and threats, and he had to protect the other boy. “I just can’t tell you. Not yet.”

Michael nodded like he was expecting this answer, huffing a bit and putting some distance between the two of them. “You know that I worry about you. And instead of doing anything to help the situation, you just keep lying to me. You _know_ that I worry.”

“I didn’t ask you to,” he said before he could stop himself.

Michael let out a small, disbelieving laugh. “I’m sorry,” he dictated. “ _What_ did you just say?”

“I said that I didn’t ask you to,” Jeremy repeated, not lifting his eyes from the floor. He let out a long breath before adding, “Worry about me, I mean.”

“Oh,” Michael muttered. “Sorry to be such a burden to you, then.” He moved to stand up and Jeremy didn’t stop him.

“I didn’t mean-”

“I know what you meant, Jeremy,” he responded coldly. He crossed his arms and looked at his best friend, sitting on the floor and not meeting his eyes. “I’m done. If you’re so tired of me caring, then fine. I won’t care.”

“Michael-”

“No,” he said. “I get it. Goodnight, Jeremy.”

And with that, he turned on his heel and padded over to the basement steps, slamming the door behind himself.

Jeremy couldn’t move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone! thanks so much for your patience with this story.
> 
> my dad actually passed away and i started college, so it's been hard for me to write recently. there's a lot happening but it's okay. 
> 
> i hope all of you are well and i hope you're all excited for the rest of this story. i know i am!


	10. 'til there's nothing but dark blue, dark blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jeremy hits a road block and also something else

Jeremy walked home alone, his feet dragging. The previous events felt like a dream but he knew that they weren’t. He had come to terms with the fact that he’d been a gigantic dick to his best friend, but he figured that he was at least somewhat justified. Michael was always prodding and prying and sometimes people _just don’t want to talk_. Sometimes secrets weren’t meant to be told.

He kicked a pebble or two out of his way, grumbling to himself. He would apologize to Michael in the morning after they both had a chance to cool down. All would be well. Maybe they could kiss some more.

Kissing, well, that was incredible. Even though the thought of the evening left a sour taste in Jeremy’s mouth, he couldn’t deny that kissing Michael had to be the absolute highlight of his life. It was wonderful and soft and sweet and _hot_. God, he wanted to do it again.

And then he went and fucked it up. Shocker.

Caught up in his own self-pity, Jeremy didn’t immediately notice when his phone rang. It vibrated in his pocket a few times before he was able to pull himself out of his repetitive thoughts. Checking the caller ID, he rolled his eyes and blew out a long breath. The SQUIP seriously needed to learn about personal space.

“Hello?” He murmured, glancing at the calm night sky above him.

“Hi, Jeremy.”

“What do you want?” Jeremy was aware of the pout in his voice, but he did nothing to stop it. He’d had an eventful night.

“I need you to meet me. Our lot, right now.”

“Seriously? It can’t wait until tomorrow?”

The SQUIP commented, “Don’t whine. It’s not becoming of you. If we wait until tomorrow, it’s too late.”

“Fine,” Jeremy breathed after a moment of deliberation. “It’s not like I’m doing anything else anyway.”

“Perfect,” drawled the villain, hanging up before the boy could ask any more questions.

-

When he arrived at the lot in his suit, he was surprised to find that the SQUIP was nowhere to be found. He’d wanted Jeremy there in such a rush, he had assumed that it was urgent. Apparently not. _What the hell_?

A cool breeze blew and the back of Jeremy’s neck tingled. It really was dark, almost pitch black. The lights of the city dimly illuminated the area, but the nearby streetlights faded in and out ominously.

The boy hesitantly raised his voice to call out, “Um, hello?” A few trees rustled but no other sound broke into existence. “You told me to meet you here?”

“I did,” the SQUIP agreed, stepping out from seemingly nowhere. He was wearing his usual get-up, black coat and all, but the bottom half of his face was covered by his blue scarf. It muffled his perfectly-enunciated words ever-so-slightly. “And you came.”

“I did,” Jeremy spoke. He wasn’t sure why he felt so threatened. He and the man had an agreement, right? Nevertheless, he fixed his posture and stuck his chest out as much as he could without looking too stupid.

“That was a bad idea, Jeremy.”

Jeremy swallowed nervously, searching the man’s eyes for any indication of a joking nature. There was nothing to be found. He didn’t even think the SQUIP was capable of joking. He took a moment to steady his voice before asking, “Why’s that?”

“That pill that I gave you, Jeremy. It was supposed to help me,” he spoke. “It isn’t helping me.”

“I’m sorry,” the boy responded nervously. He knew that the man was too powerful to take on alone, especially when he was tired and emotionally drained. “I don’t know what you want me to do about that.”

“There’s nothing you _can_ do.”

“O-Okay,” Jeremy stammered, backing away from the man slowly. “Then why am I here?”

“ _There’s nothing you can do._ ” The SQUIP let his mouth lift into a small smile. “But there is something that _I_ can do.” He took a step towards the teenager, turning his chin to the side. “My first plan didn’t work out. Luckily, I have a back-up.”

In one quick motion, the SQUIP raised a hand and threw Jeremy into the brick wall behind him, pinning him tightly. He moved forward, his eyes focused on the boy. “I wish it didn’t have to come to this, but this isn’t a mutually beneficial relationship anymore. This is how it has to be.”

“It doesn’t,” Jeremy responded quickly, desperately. “Let me go. We can figure something else out.” If the SQUIP killed him, how was he supposed to protect the city? How was he supposed to protect _Michael_? “You can’t do this.”

“I can, kid. That’s the beauty of the whole ‘having powers’ thing. And don’t worry. I won’t break our promise. Michael is insignificant. I have my sights set on something...bigger.”

“And what would that be?”

“The world, Jeremy. My _God_ , you’d think that you could have figured that one out.” The SQUIP turned his back for a moment, letting his shoulders drop. “Goodbye, Spider-Man.” Without a second glance from the villain, Jeremy could feel the air leaving his lungs. The world around him faded in and out with the streetlights and then suddenly, it was just _gone_.

-

The next time Jeremy came to, it was due to the hard, cold, splash of water around his suit. He opened his eyes enough to see only darkness, only the deepest blue he’d ever registered. His ribs hurt from the impact of hitting the water, and he shook his head to clear the fog from his oxygen-deprived mind. His mask was sticking to his face, pressing against his nose and mouth and he still couldn’t _breathe_. What was happening? Was this what death felt like?

Jeremy tried to push forward, to swim to the surface that was rapidly shrinking away from him. When he willed his arms to do something, to carry him up, he found the hard metal of handcuffs holding them back behind him. _What the fuck?_

_He was going to die here._

Black clouds lined his mind, his chest aching. This was how he was going to go. This was it.

His last thoughts drifted to Michael, to the last conversation he would ever have with the love of his life. With anybody. God, it was such a stupid fight. Not worth it.

The energy left Jeremy’s body, allowing him to drift further down. Maybe he’d see Michael again someday, he considered. His eyes fell shut and he let the water take him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was very much inspired by spiderman hoco if you couldn't tell 
> 
> thank you to everyone who has commented and left kind words/condolences. i know you don't think you're doing much, but each and every comment means the absolute world to me. you all mean the absolute world to me. 
> 
> i hope you enjoy this chapter and another one should be coming soon-ish. i was just really excited for the upcoming scenes. 
> 
> xoxo


	11. the waves came crashing down and turned us inside out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is from michael's perspective!

Michael wasn’t sure what had drawn him to the reservoir in the first place. He just knew that he couldn’t sleep, he was pissed off, and he needed to get out of the house. Every time he looked around that stupid basement, he was reminded of Jeremy. Lava lamp? He and Jeremy had picked it out together in the fifth grade. Piggy bank shaped like a dragon? A sixteenth birthday gift from his best friend. He didn’t need more reminders of the boy who hated that Michael had the absolute audacity to _care_. It was bullshit.

So he left the house. He walked around for a while, not really sure of his exact location. He knew that it probably wasn’t safe to wander aimlessly in the middle of the night, but he had a cell phone. He probably wouldn’t die. It was fine. When he hit the end of the road he was currently walking down, vast trees and a sharp breeze alerted him of where he was. He and Jeremy used to come to this place together all the time. Regardless of his current affinity for Avoiding Jeremy-Themed-Memories, he figured that the reservoir wouldn’t be a bad place to sit and reflect for a little bit. Then he would head home. He would go to sleep and (hopefully) hear from the other boy in the morning.

As he walked into the open field, past the entrance of trees, he saw the lake that he’d jumped into so many times as a kid. The lake where he almost drowned, once, and Jeremy pulled him up from the water in all of his scrawny-ten-year-old-glory. The lake where he’d had his first kiss with Jenna Roland in the seventh grade. The lake where he came out to his parents.

Anyway, the lake held a lot of memories. It was the same way for every kid in town: a fresh breath of nature in a pretty nature-less world.

As Michael was trying to spot a good place to sit down, he was frightened by a quick flash of red and blue from above. He jumped as the object hit the water, splashing loudly. When he looked up to the sky, he saw nothing. Whatever had dropped it was in a hurry to leave. Michael’s body was frozen. What should he do? He couldn’t exactly investigate without jumping into the water himself. He figured that he should probably just let it be. It wasn’t his business. That was how white people died in horror movies, and he was not about to get involved in anything like that.

Then, though, he kept replaying the scene in his head. The red and blue had seemed like an oddly familiar pattern...and the object had seemed oddly human-like. Michael chewed on his lower lip, debating whether or not he was crazy.

No. He wasn’t. He _knew_ Spider-Man. That was definitely Spider-Man. What the fuck was up with that?

He needed to see. Minutes had passed since the drop, and then simply nothing. Peace and quiet.

Although, did he really want to dive into the water on a suspicion? He considered it for a long and pensive moment. Well, it was a warm night anyway. He wasn’t doing anything else. It would make a cool story to tell Jeremy once they mended things.

Michael toed off his shoes and dropped his hoodie before thinking about it any longer. He left his glasses and headphones in a heap on top of his jacket, setting his phone down as well. Hesitantly, he walked into the water. It wasn’t freezing, but it certainly didn’t feel great. He wanted to get in and out quickly before it got too cold.

Michael moved deeper and deeper into the lake, feeling the water rise and rise and rise. He winced when it hit his chest, and he decided that he should probably start looking for Spider-Man. Taking a deep breath and steeling himself, he pushed his head under the water. As he opened his eyes, he was surprised that he couldn’t see anything until he realized that, firstly, it was lake water and secondly, he didn’t have his glasses. With the fog in the water, he had no idea how he was supposed to find anything.

Then, the smallest light caught a glimpse of silver. However murky the image was, it was still something. That was all he needed. Michael moved towards the silver, reaching out. When his fingers graced something definitively made from _fabric_ , he knew that he wasn’t crazy. Without a second thought, he felt around for a hand or anything he could grab onto. Surprisingly, an arm was looped behind the figure which gave the boy something to grip. He tugged the weight with him out of the dark water, breathing deeply when he broke the surface. As he got the other person’s head above the lake, he was a bit awestruck to see that it was actually Spider-Man. Like, he had his suspicions. But this was on _another level_.

He was even more awestruck when he felt no movement from the hero. He was a dead-weight in Michael’s arms, not even moving enough to allow for the rise and fall of his chest.

Shit. This was bad. Spider-Man was dead. If that was even possible...heroes like Spider-Man couldn’t die. That didn’t seem right.

Okay, he was jumping ahead of himself. His first priority was getting the man back to the lakeshore. He repositioned Spider-Man so that he could carry him bridal-style, pushing against the heavy water. Michael tried to keep himself from freaking out by admiring how cool the suit was up close. Yeah, that would work.

When they made it to land, the taller boy quickly laid the hero flat against the gravelly grass. Surely he would start breathing now and everything would be fine. Michael waited. And waited. And waited.

No breath came. God, he didn’t know what to do! What did someone even do in a situation like this?

CPR. People did CPR in situations like this. That was it. He could do that. _Stay_ _calm_ , Michael. He placed a hand against Spider-Man’s jawline. He didn’t want to expose the hero’s identity, but the mask was suffocatingly tight, clinging to the man’s face. He had to do what he had to do. He could apologize later and swear to never tell. He couldn’t just leave _Spider-Man_ to die.

Okay, here went nothing. He pulled up the mask, the darkness of the night and the brightness of the moon casting a weird contrast on the person’s face. He pulled the mask off completely and let his eyes adjust to the blur of the features in front of him. He saw pale whites and slight blues and familiar angles and...Jeremy? Why did Spider-Man look like Jeremy?

Michael reached for his glasses instantly, pressing them against his face with more fervor than he’d moved in years. As he was able to get a good look at the features, he knew that he must have been hallucinating. This man, no, _boy_ looked _exactly_ like his best friend.

_What the fuck?_

Just as Michael had furrowed his brow and quickened his breath in shock, the figure coughed violently. He turned onto his side weakly, grimacing and gagging as the water exited his body. The handcuffs kept his hands securely behind his back, but he balanced on his shoulder with his eyes closed, breathing the most shallow breaths.

Now that Michael’s brain had caught up with his eyes, he came to terms with the fact that this person was Jeremy. One-Hundred-Percent, without a doubt. Slowly, he registered that this meant that Jeremy was Spider-Man, which, _what_? Now that he thought about it, the possibility didn’t seem unfathomable. And it would certainly explain the other boy’s recent behavior. But he had just never considered Jeremy as...Spider-Man, for god’s sake.

Finally, the slowest piece of his brain caught up with the rest. Jeremy was in the Spider-Man suit. Jeremy had previously been underwater and non-responsive. Jeremy was incredibly pale and blue and—was he shaking? Jeremy was obviously in a life-or-death situation. Jeremy’s hands were locked behind his back.

Somebody had purposefully tried to kill _Jeremy_. Jeremy was on the ground, seriously close to passing out or getting hypothermia or whatever happened when someone almost drowned.

Michael scrambled to lean over top of his best friend, his lungs feeling like they were on the verge of collapsing. Should he take Jeremy to the hospital? Should he call the cops? Was his best friend going to die?

“Jer-emy,” Michael spoke harshly, his shaky breathing separating the word. “Jeremy, it’s going to be okay. Oh, god, please be okay. Jeremy, c’mon. Open your eyes.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now that's what i call conflict! 
> 
> as always, thanks for reading! comments motivate me to not be a garbage human 
> 
> i hope u all enjoyed this chapter. some good old COMMUNICATION is comin around the bend so get excited!
> 
> have a wonderful week my lovelies xoxo


	12. all that it takes is a bit of commun-i-ca-tion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jeremy and michael begin their discussion about jeremy's secrets! (aka: jena overuses italics) 
> 
> tw mention of death but nothing worse than what's already been in this fic

_“Jeremy, c’mon. Open your eyes.”_

The desperation in that voice was the first thing that Jeremy became aware of. Everything still felt fuzzy and heavy and horrible, but he could hear someone calling his name. Michael. Michael was calling his name.

He felt like most of the water had left his system, so he allowed his attention to turn elsewhere. As he focused on the voice, he was slowly coming more into his senses. He felt like he was _freezing_ , not simply numb as he had been before. He heard Michael’s voice and the background noises of the trees and wind, not just sharp ringing. Most importantly, his lungs were no longer on fire. He didn’t feel _good_ by any means, but he was pretty sure that he was no longer dying.

Okay. Opening his eyes. He could do that. Slowly but surely, he watched the light of the moon come into view. He rolled over onto his back, wincing at the pain in his shoulders. Then, the light was being blocked by a head. Michael’s head.

Michael’s face, frowning and on the verge of tears. Michael’s hand made its way onto the side of Jeremy’s face, touching him softly. “Jeremy.”

Formulating a response was a tall order, so the boy simply blinked a few times and nodded. He watched as his best friend’s eyes frantically scanned him. His face, his body, the suit.

The suit.

Shit.

“Jeremiah Heere, you absolute _idiot_! I thought you were dead! I thought you died and you weren’t coming back and-” Michael let out the angriest sob that Jeremy had ever heard. The warmth of the other boy’s hand had left his face and was now being thrown about in exasperation. “And I absolutely _hate_ you but oh my god, Jeremy, _I love you._ Never fucking do that to me again. Shit. _Fuck_.”

Jeremy nodded once more, trying to muster his strength to reply. “Love you too,” he murmured, mouthing the words more than speaking them.

“And, and, and—you’re Spider-Man, seriously? What the _fuck_ , Jeremy?”

“Talk later,” Jeremy whispered. “Cuffs.”

“Cuffs? What are you saying? I just can’t believe that I’m supposed to be your _best friend_ and you’ve hidden this from me for months, now. Months, Jeremy, and-” Michael paused as if he were suddenly remembering something. “Oh, shit, the _handcuffs_ , sorry. God, Jeremy, what the fuck happened to you?”

“Talk later,” the boy repeated hoarsely. “Cold.”

Michael hesitantly nodded, watching Jeremy’s face for a long moment. As much as he wanted to scold him, he knew that he had to get out of his own head and help his best friend. “Okay, alright. Sorry. Talk later.” He moved his hands to gently urge Jeremy onto his side so that he could get a better look at the handcuffs. They were cheap-looking, but they dug into the skin on the boy’s wrists pretty intensely. There were angry red rims forming underneath them, and Michael suddenly felt all of his anger at Jeremy channel into pure rage for whoever did this. He knew that superheroes had enemies, obviously, but _not Jeremy_. Who had laid a hand on his best friend? On the guy that he valued above literally everyone else?

Jeremy could sense Michael’s tension. He swallowed and said, “Tell you everything. Later. ‘M sorry.”

“Let’s just get you home,” Michael breathed.

One thing at a time.

-

A pair of bolt cutters, two blankets, three cups of soup, and a frantic trip back to Michael’s house resulted in a Vaguely-Okay-Jeremy. They were sitting on a futon and he was pressed into the taller boy’s side comfortably, hands resting on Michael’s chest and legs draped over his lap. No discussion had taken place between the lake and the basement. But now, Jeremy was here. He was okay and huddled under blankets and he was _breathing_. He was wearing Michael’s pajamas, too-big sweatpants and a Nintendo 64 t-shirt. The incriminating suit rested in a heap in the corner of Michael’s bedroom, wet and miserable.

The taller boy’s arm rested against Jeremy’s shoulders. He chewed on his lips uncomfortably. Jeremy noted Michael’s unease and felt like he should probably do something to get the ball rolling on their conversation, but what was he supposed to say?

The boy took a deep breath and began, “Michael-”

“I-” Michael said at the exact same time.

“You go first,” Jeremy invited, not moving from his position against his best friend. He didn’t want to see the discomfort and unhappiness on his features.

“I just. I don’t really know what to say. I mean, Jeremy, it’s been a hell of an eventful night.”

Jeremy nodded. “I know. It’s been a lot. I’m sorry.”

“And earlier was great; the kissing, I mean,” Michael complimented, heat rising to his cheeks at the thought of it. Hours had passed since then: the sun would be coming up in due time. But the memory still seemed so close, like it was mere moments ago.

“It was great,” the smaller boy agreed. He shifted uncomfortably, the pause hanging in the air. “And I fucked it up. And I’m sorry.”

“Yeah,” Michael spoke softly, not even attempting to refute it. “What you said was shitty.” Both boys stared at the blank TV screen in front of them, unable to look at each other. The air around them was heavy, filled with unspoken grievances.

“I know. I knew it was horrible the second I said it.”

“And yet you _still_ left.” Michael shifted slightly, sighing. “Why’d you leave? I thought maybe you’d come down to apologize, but…”

“I don’t know,” he responded honestly. He didn’t know. That was precisely what he should have done. “I thought maybe letting you have some space was best.”

Michael nodded, accepting this answer as an okay one. “So you just decided to leave.”

Jeremy made a small hum in agreement. “I mean, I thought we would work it out in the morning. Like we always do. I was going to call you and apologize, and you were going to invite me over, and then everything was going to be fine. “

“But obviously something else came up,” the taller boy said, his voice more terse with the topic change. Jeremy was silent. Michael let out a long breath and said, “So. You’re Spider-Man. You’ve been lying to me about it for god knows how long. And you almost died tonight.” He counted these events on his fingers and then lifted the arm that wasn’t around his best friend to push his hair back from his forehead. “Am I missing anything?”

“No,” Jeremy spoke in a small voice. “That sounds about right.”

“So...is there anything you want to say to me?”

“There are a million things I want to say to you, Michael.” Jeremy transferred his weight, finally moving away from the other boy. He leaned against the cool metal of the arm of the futon. Watching as Michael followed suit, switching his position to lean against the opposite arm and parallel the position, he cleared his throat. “First of all, I don’t know why I didn’t tell you. I just, _I don’t know_ , I guess I thought you would think I was crazy.”

“Jere-”

“No, let me say this. I thought that you would think I was crazy. And then, by the time I realized how stupid that was, I was too deep into this mess.”

“What does that even mean, Jeremy?”

“It means that I didn’t want to drag you into anything dangerous. There was no reason for me to put you on the line.” He folded his arms, finally looking up to meet Michael’s guarded eyes. “I didn’t know how to keep you safe if you were involved.”

“I didn’t need to be involved; I just should have _known_ , at the very least.” He steeled himself for Jeremy’s gaze.

“You and I both know that if I had told you what I was doing every night, you would have wanted in. You wouldn’t have just stood by.”

“Maybe not, but-”

“And, Michael, admit it. You would have worried way more than necessary. What kind of friend would I be if I added that kind of stress to your life?”

Michael made no move to keep the venom out of his tone. “One who didn’t lie to me for months on end.”

“I’m sorry, but-”

“And on that account, actually, worrying wouldn’t have been unnecessary. You almost _died_ , Jeremy. Dead. Gone. _No longer breathing_. Do you understand that?”

“I know, Michael, I was there.” Jeremy averted his gaze to the wall. “I didn’t know the SQUIP was literally going to attempt homicide. So sue me.”

“You don’t get to have an attitude with me right now,” Michael spoke sternly, locking his eyes on the other boy’s. “You were the one who _lied,_ and you were the one who continued to lie even when you _knew_ how worried I was.”

The blue-eyed-boy paused for a long moment. Letting out a defeated breath, he murmured, “I just wanted to keep you safe.”

“How are you supposed to keep me safe if you’re _fucking_ _dead_ , Jeremy?”

And. Well. He didn’t have a response for that one. It was at this moment that he looked, truly looked, at his best friend. He was a mess. Michael’s hair was sticking up at odd angles, his glasses askew, his jacket sleeves half-rolled and falling down. His jaw was set stubbornly and his arms were crossed, but Jeremy knew him too well. He was obviously upset, not just angry, but _upset_. He only bit his lower lip that hard when he was fighting tears. He only scratched at his bicep when he was bottling up his anxieties. “I’m sorry,” Jeremy said once more, only this time much softer and more sincere than he had since this entire ordeal began.

“I just. I don’t know what I would do, Jeremy. When I saw your face under that stupid goddamn mask, that was the most scared I’ve ever been. Ever. In my life,” Michael rubbed at his arm in a small attempt to comfort himself.

“I get it,” Jeremy all but whispered.

“And I was _so_ _mad_ at you, from before, but then you were dying. Like, actively not breathing.” Michael’s hands fumbled to mess with the zipper on his hoodie. “And I was so freaked out, I didn’t know what to do. All I wanted was to go back to the start of the night. I just wanted to kiss you again and I didn’t know if we’d get another chance to do that or talk or hug or...or _anything_.”

“But you saved my life. So we can get a chance to do those things,” the smaller boy responded, trying to lighten the mood. “I know I fucked up, but let me fix it.” He pushed his chest up a bit, moving closer and leaning in order to press a kiss against Michael’s cheek. “I’ll tell you anything you want to know. All of it.”

“No more secrets?” Michael asked, his voice unsure. He sighed as he moved into a sitting position and he pulled Jeremy closer. They mirrored their arrangement from earlier in the conversation, the blue-eyed boy tucked against the other’s side.

“No more secrets,” he agreed.

“I hope you’re up for a long night,” the taller boy spoke, his tone more light-hearted than it had been in a while. “I want to know _everything_. I mean, you’re a superhero, Jeremy. That’s so fucking cool.”

With a laugh, Jeremy settled in to tell his best friend about it all. He’d wanted to share these events with Michael ever since the entire ordeal started. He rested his head against the other boy’s shoulder once more, claiming the warmth from him as he began his story.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for being so patient with me, everyone! this chapter took me a hot second to write because of exams and a general lack of motivation, but it's here! i'm really excited for the next chapter too so hopefully that's out soon!
> 
> have a nice day and thanks so much for reading!
> 
> p.s. comments motivate me a lot a lot a lot


	13. confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jeremy and michael have a Talk (ft. today's edition of "jena doesn't know how to write without using italics")
> 
> slight mentions of violence

“So, it just bit you and all of a sudden you have...superpowers?” Michael seemed hesitant. Not disbelieving by any means, just hesitant. “I’m not sure how the science checks out there.” His fingers drifted absentmindedly along Jeremy’s shoulder as the shorter boy rested against his collarbone, lanky legs draped over his lap.

“I’m telling you, dude, there’s nothing else it could have been. I got bit by a spider, went to bed, and then I woke up like this. With _spider-powers_.”

“Okay, okay,” the bigger boy accepted with a light smile. He reached out for Jeremy’s hand, weaving their fingers together. “So then what?”

“So naturally, I started fighting crime,” Jeremy shrugged. He grinned and poked at Michael with his elbow. “No, but really. It was kind of an accident.”

“How do you _accidentally_ become a masked vigilante?”

Jeremy leaned back to straighten his spine a bit, leaning against the cushions instead of his best friend. He was still holding onto Michael’s hand firmly. “I was in town to pick up a new game-”

“Apocalypse of the Damned Second Edition?”

“Yeah, of course,” Jeremy nodded. “Anyway, I was in town. And when I left the store, I saw a guy shoving some poor kid up against a wall. And, like, normally I wouldn’t get involved. You know me. I’m a wimp.”

“Apparently not,” Michael countered softly.

“I’m a wimp,” Jeremy confirmed, nodding. “But this guy was towering over him, and the kid probably wasn’t more than twelve. So I told him to cut it out and before I knew it, he lunged for me. And I knocked him out.”

“Jesus, Jere, you’re such a badass.” Michael beamed at him for a moment before adding, “Although, maybe that would have been a good time to fill me in about your new powers. Y’know, a way to break the ice...like, hey, I kicked someone’s ass today.”

“I know, I know,” Jeremy conceded. “I get it. I messed up.”

Michael shrugged. He shifted to lean his head against the other boy’s shoulder. “Continue,” he hummed.

“So I figured, hey, I could do the superhero thing. I thought I’d at least give it a shot and if it didn’t work out, then it didn’t work out.”

“Naturally.”

“So I made the suit-”

“You _made_ the suit?”

“Yeah, how else was I going to get it?” Jeremy asked, dumbfounded. Michael lifted his chin to look up at the other boy.

“Jeremy, that’s amazing. The suit is _awesome_. Where did you even learn how to do that?”

He shrugged. “YouTube.”

“Maybe if being a superhero doesn’t work out, you could go into costume design.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

The taller boy shifted once more, trying to get comfortable. He ended up laying in Jeremy’s lap, looking up at his best friend’s face. Long fingers worked through his hair gently, relaxing him. He knew that the more up-to-date parts of the boy’s story would probably stress him out, but he was enjoying the easy nature of the conversation for the time being. At least Jeremy was being honest with him.  

“So I fought petty criminals for a while, like, mainly just bullies. But then more and more villains came into the spotlight to challenge me.”

All of the headlines Michael had seen suddenly congregated in the forefront of his mind. He couldn’t believe that all of that was _Jeremy_. His dorky best friend. “I talked to you about Spider-Man,” he murmured, feeling heat rise to his cheeks. “Did I say anything wrong? Jesus, I probably sounded like an idiot.”

“No, no, you were fine,” Jeremy assured. “I mean, you were practically fawning over him.”

“You act like he’s not _you_.”

Jeremy cleared his throat, trying to figure out how to phrase his thoughts. “He’s not, really. I don’t feel like...like, _me_ , when I’m Spider-Man.”

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” Michael inquired, eyes focused on the other boy intently.

“It’s a good thing,” he explained. He wasn’t sure what to say since he’d never really voiced this feeling before. “He’s like, the better version of me.”

“I don’t know about that. I think you’re the best version of you.”

He smiled down at his best friend, his heart skipping suddenly. “Thanks. It’s just...complicated. Sometimes I feel like he’s who I _should_ be.”

Michael nodded. That made sense. Spider-Man was confident, brave, inspiring, and witty. The hero was what everyone wanted to be: that’s why he’d made that stupid fanpage in the first place.

Jeremy continued on, “Michael, can I tell you something?”

“That’s kind of the whole point of the conversation, isn’t it?”

“Touché,” the smaller boy laughed. “I know that I’ve lied to you a lot. And I know that I’ve fucked up a lot. But sitting here and telling you everything that I’ve wanted to since day one feels awesome. You’re awesome.”

Michael melted, tilting his head ever-so-slightly to gaze at the other boy. “I’m glad you feel that way. As much as I wish you’d told me sooner, I’m really thankful that you’re telling me now.”

“Me too,” Jeremy spoke softly. “I don’t even know what else to say. Just...thank you for hearing me out.”

“You’re my best friend. What was I supposed to do? Ignore you forever?” Michael teased, “We both know that I’d break in a few days.”

Fond blue eyes met brown and Jeremy added, “You’re taking this whole thing really well.”

“I didn’t have much of a choice. I mean, I could have left you in the lake while I had a personal crisis, but that would have been a bad plan.”

“Yeah, I’m glad you didn’t go with that.”

“Speaking of bad plans...do you care to explain how you ended up there in the first place?”

Jeremy sighed, his fingers stalling in Michael’s hair before continuing slowly. “So, the SQUIP is a dick. As we know. And, um, I’ve kind of been working with him for a bit-”

“The SQUIP? You’ve been working with a _supervillain_?” Michael shot up, staring at Jeremy eye-to-eye. “Seriously?”

“I know, I know,” he responded, folding his hands in his lap to occupy the space that his best friend had abandoned. “But I had to. It was the only way to placate him.”

“From what? Invading Poland?” Michael asked incredulously. He couldn’t think of one reason, _not_ _one_ , to work with such a monster.

“He threatened you.”

Oh. _Oh_. That changed a few things. The taller boy chewed his lower lip and cast his eyes towards the floor. “...Really? How’d he even know that I existed?”

“He can read minds, I guess, and he knew that I would do anything to keep him away from you.”

“Jeremy, I-“

“I know, I know. I’m stupid. I didn’t have a choice,” Jeremy mumbled.

“No,” Michael spoke softly. He leaned forward to press a chaste kiss against his best friend’s cheek. “Thank you. I mean, it sucks. But thank you for protecting me.”

The smaller boy gave a nervous smile and responded, “Anyway, that’s the college guy that I said I was working on a project with.”

“Oh my god,” Michael groaned, covering his face with his hands. “Oh my god, I was _jealous_. Of the SQUIP.”

“You were jealous?”

“Of course I was. I mean, I was offended that you didn’t tell me. But, mostly, I was just pissed off that I might have missed my chance with you.”

“Well, now you know,” Jeremy said, face tinged pink. _Michael was jealous_. He didn’t know why the idea put butterflies in his chest, but it did. “He did experiments and shit, mostly. That’s why we were meeting in an abandoned part of town.”

“E-Experiments?” Michael stammered. “Like, MK Ultra?”

“No,” Jeremy hurried to amend. “He mostly just took down information about me, like my strength and my suit and everything.”

The taller boy blanched, his mouth opening slightly in shock. “You gave _the supervillain_ information about _how to beat you._ ”

“There’s more.” Jeremy shifted his eyes and picked at his nails as he said, “I, um, took some kind of pill. It was a weird microchip-looking thing.”

“You did _what_?” Michael breathed in for a long moment. He didn’t want to get mad at his best friend, since he was just trying to protect him and all, but _really_? What the fuck was that boy even thinking? _Was_ he thinking?

“He said that it was either me or you,” he defended. “Besides, it didn’t even do anything.”

Brown eyes grew wide and Michael exclaimed, “That you know of!”

Jeremy crossed his arms protectively. He knew that the other boy was right, but he really couldn’t help it. He had to do it. “It didn’t work. Whatever the SQUIP was trying to do, it _didn’t_ _work_. That’s why he threw me in the lake.”

Michael chewed on his lower lip. He couldn’t believe that all of this had been happening to his best friend and he had no clue. How could he have not known? Was he the world’s worst best friend? “And now we’re here,” the bigger boy said conclusively.

“Now we’re here,” Jeremy affirmed with a nod.

“What about all of the villains who aren’t the SQUIP?” Michael asked, leaning into Jeremy’s scrawny side. “You kicked all of their asses, right?”

“Right, yeah,” he said in response, raising an arm to rest in a curve around the other boy’s shoulders. “I guess so.”

“You did. I run a fan-page, remember? I know pretty much everything that’s been in the news.”

“True, true,” he allowed. Jeremy chewed on his lip, wondering if he should bring this into the conversation or not. On an impulse and with his heart beating into his throat, he said, “So, I killed that guy.”

Michael paused, his breath catching. He knew all about the man—some kind of dangerous killer with super-strength. He’d sunk that ship. Spider-Man had drowned him in response. It was odd, in a way, to think of it now. Before, it was just a story. Hero beats villain. Typical. But as he thought about the event in recent context, with Jeremy at the forefront, it didn’t just feel like a story anymore. It was real. A man had died and Jeremy had caused it. Not that his best friend was in the wrong, of course, Michael was sure that it was self-defense. But he knew Jeremy well enough and he knew that he must have brought it up for a reason. Finally, the bigger boy found the nerve to speak. “It wasn’t your fault. You were protecting everyone.”

Jeremy nodded half-heartedly. “I mean, kind of. Everyone was off the boat.”

“What happened?”

“I didn’t mean to. I was in the middle of everything, he had a gun. He was shooting and I was just trying to stop him.” Jeremy gripped at Michael’s shoulder a bit tighter, breathing in deeply. “I threw some debris at him and before I knew it, he was gone. I didn’t know he was dead until the next day. You told me about it at school.”

Michael remembered. He knew that something had been up with the boy that day but he was never able to put his finger on it. “Oh. I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have found out that way. I’m sure it’s not easy to think about...but you made it out safely. That’s all that matters.”

“Someone is dead. Because of me,” Jeremy mumbled. “Not very heroic.” He shook his head and spoke once more, “I wish I could take it back.”

Michael leaned up to kiss the side of his best friend’s face. “I’m sorry. I’ve never really thought about the emotional damage of being a superhero,” he admitted. “But I’m glad he didn’t shoot you. Whatever it took to prevent that, I’m thankful.”

“Me too,” Jeremy accepted in a small voice. Trying to lighten the mood, he added, “Getting shot isn’t fun. I can’t imagine if it were lethal.”

Michael froze. “Excuse me?”

“Well, I mean, I haven’t actually been shot. Just grazed.”

“Explain. Now.” His voice was steel.

“Well, um,” Jeremy murmured, trying to stall. He knew that he was being honest with Michael now and that was cool and everything, but he didn’t consider all of the details that came along with it. “Here.” He moved away from his best friend so that he could push the sleeve of his shirt over his shoulder, the one that wasn’t resting behind Michael’s head. This effectively showed off the bloody gauze that had started their fight from before; it seemed like a million years ago. “When you got mad at me for being in the city alone, I was actually trying to take down some petty crime. There was an ATM robbery and a hammer and a van and a gun,” he rambled, not keeping eye-contact.

Michael’s eyes narrowed, leaning forward across Jeremy’s chest to inspect the gauze. “Y-You were _shot_ ?” His mind was recounting the events of the previous afternoon. “You brought me Buon Cibo. You were _shot_ and you brought me Buon Cibo. What the fuck?”

“I was in the area,” Jeremy said. He neglected to mention that he’d slept in _garbage_ in the area, but it wasn’t important. The blue-eyed boy swallowed and added, “Then, I mean, with the guy on the boat. He got my leg.”

“Jesus, Jer,” Michael huffed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He reclined back to rest against the arm of the futon. “There’s _so much_ that I had no idea about. Like, not the slightest fucking clue. How does that happen?”

“I never told you,” he shrugged. “I didn’t want you to know.”

“But I’m your _best_ _friend,_ I should have known. I should have figured it out.”

Jeremy reached out a hand to press against the side of Michael’s face. “You knew that something was up. It’s not _your_ fault that _I_ didn’t tell you. How were you supposed to figure out that I’m Spider-Man?”

Michael didn’t seem to register the words that came out of his mouth. “You went to school the day after being _shot_ in the _leg_ ,” he said calculatedly. His eyes scanned the other boy’s frantically and he asked, “D-Did you even get stitches? Did you go to the hospital?”

“No.”

“Jere-”

“I don’t have to,” he said in a soothing voice, trying to calm Michael down. “Everything heals on its own, okay? I’ll show you tomorrow. This,” he gestured to the injury on his arm, “will be gone by the afternoon.”

Michael seemed disbelieving but now wasn’t the time for skepticism. He picked at his nails and suddenly, a thought struck him. “You weren’t even mugged.”

Jeremy let out a long, defeated sigh. “No. No, I wasn’t. I know it was shitty, I know I shouldn’t have let you believe it. I’m sorry.”

It was weird to have everything that he thought he knew turn out to be a lie. He asked, trying his hardest to keep his voice even, “So what actually happened?”

“Did you hear about the bomb thing? In a warehouse?”

“ _That’s_ what happened?” Michael thought he was going to be sick. Jeremy. Bombs. Guns. Vans, SQUIPs, drowning. Bullet wounds, bruises, handcuffs. His mind flipped through every unexplained injury, every _I’m just clumsy_ , every slight limp. Every headache, every night that his best friend was mysteriously absent.

What he concluded, by the end of it, was that Jeremy had been in a lot of shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to everyone for your continued support! slowly but surely this fic will get completed, and comments/kudos definitely motivate me so much! 
> 
> i hope everyone had a great thanksgiving...and if you're going into finals week, good luck to you! i'll be suffering right alongside you. 
> 
> i hope you enjoyed this chapter! let me know what you liked in the comments :-)


	14. we spelled love g-i-v-e

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> michael and jeremy take a moment to enjoy the finer experiences life has to offer
> 
> (they make out)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for your patience!! i will leave a better note at the end
> 
> (i don't do smut sorry but this is what i can offer you)

Michael couldn’t seem to catch his breath. It was too much, too fast, too loud. Jeremy, his best friend in the entire world, had almost died. _On multiple occasions._ He considered the state that he’d found the boy in mere hours ago and, well, that certainly didn’t subside his panic. Jeremy was sitting next to him, warm and alive, but that didn’t seem to help either. The boy had gone and made an enemy of the _SQUIP_. The hardships weren’t over, and Michael knew that there was no way he could let Jeremy out of his sight, like, ever again.

“Michael,” Jeremy spoke, reaching a hand out to rest on his shoulder. “Michael, just breathe. You’re okay.”

“Can’t,” Michael gasped, standing up. His feet began to move around the room. He paced and paced, his head feeling light. He was aware of his heart speeding up but couldn’t do anything to stop it.

“Michael, _breathe_ ,” Jeremy was on his feet now, hands grasping at the other boy. “It’s okay.”

“It’s _not_ ,” Michael argued. “It’s not. Why can’t you see that?” His breathing was accelerating and he could tell that he wouldn’t be able to speak again, not until this incident was over. His hands were shaking and his feet were still and his head was swimming and Jeremy was kissing him.

Jeremy was kissing him. His hands were resting behind Michael’s neck, pulling him closer. He was there, alive. He was there.

Everything was _alright_.

By the time they separated, the taller boy’s breathing had returned to normal. “I’m sorry,” he said in a small voice, still inches from Jeremy’s face. He ran a hand over his face and added, “I’ve...not had much time to adjust to this.”

“I understand. And that’s okay,” Jeremy allowed softly, keeping a hand against the side of Michael’s neck. “If you need more time to process, or whatever, I get it. I’ll do whatever you need.”

“I need you,” he responded. Michael found his hand working its way towards the other boy, resting against his cheekbone.

Jeremy’s eyes lit up and he smiled a small smile. “You have me.” He relaxed into Michael’s touch. “You’ve always had me.”

Michael didn’t respond. He simply leaned forward once more to kiss his best friend. Their lips moved together with perfect choreography, exhaling and inhaling like a finely-tuned machine. His hand moved from Jeremy’s face to his neck to the small of his back, pushing their chests together.

Jeremy’s arm circled around Michael’s neck, pulling himself in gently. His nose knocked against the other boy’s, clumsy laughter escaping from both of them at the same time. Michael lifted a hand to remove the glasses that had gone askew on his face and tossed them to the carpet. His fingers, then, began to card through the other boy’s hair. Twisting and twirling and pulling in just the right spot, Jeremy opened his mouth to sigh. Michael took this as an invitation and deepened the kiss, his tongue gliding along the boy’s lower teeth.

The smaller boy pulled back for a moment, eyes wide. For a second, Michael thought that he had done something wrong, overstepped some boundary. But then, Jeremy said, “Can we go to bed?”

“ _I-Wh-What_?” The taller boy couldn’t comprehend the words. Jeremy didn’t want to…?

Blue eyes rolled back and he amended, “I mean, for _comfort_ , dude. This would be ten times more fun if we weren’t standing.”

“Oh. Oh. Yes. Definitely.” Michael cleared his throat, stepping back from his best friend. Jeremy grinned and pulled the aforementioned boy across the room, falling back against the mattress.

Michael stood above him for a long moment, unsure of what to do, before he was abruptly tugged down. He landed with his chest against the other boy’s, mirroring their position from earlier in the night.

God, that felt like years ago and it had only been hours.

There was no time to dwell on it as his legs intertwined with long and lanky ones, gravity forcing their lips together once more. His tongue smoothed over Jeremy’s lower lip, slowly veering between his teeth. The smaller boy’s hands were all over him, rubbing at his back and up through his hair.

“I’ve missed this,” Michael gasped, giving a cheeky smile as Jeremy’s eyes opened.

“It’s been literal _hours_ , Michael.”

“Too long,” he spoke, going back in to continue the kiss. His hands on either side of the boy adjusted to his weight as he rolled over, bringing Jeremy along for the ride so that he was on top of him. A small sound of surprise followed the action but Jeremy fell right back into the rhythm easily. Michael cupped the nape of his neck, tilting his head so that their noses would better fit together. He broke the kiss for a moment, grasping at Jeremy’s Nintendo 64 t-shirt (it was technically Michael’s, but now wasn’t the time for splitting hairs).

The smaller boy took the hint immediately, propping himself up and leaning away from Michael. The shirt came off with ease, exposing his bare chest. He was a bit self-conscious, not due to the littering of scars along his body but rather his frame. He knew that he was a bit wiry, a bit scrawny; however, being a superhero had graced him with more definition than he used to have. He wasn’t sure what the taller boy would think, like, maybe he’d liked him more before.

Michael’s eyes were wide, gazing at the boy on top of him. This wasn’t the first time he’d seen him shirtless, but this was _so different_. His best friend was straddling him, shirt off, with mussed hair and red lips. He could see every scar, every bruise. More importantly, though, he could see the fine definition of the boy’s muscles. His pecs were firm, enhanced due to the movement of Jeremy’s breath. His abs were...prevalent, to say the least. Michael could hardly believe that this was his best friend. This was _him_ , now. He’d always been attractive, but _shit_.

“Michael?” Jeremy asked. “Everything okay up there?” He tapped on one of the boy’s temples for emphasis.

“Yeah, good,” Michael coughed. “I’m good. You’re just... _look at you_.”

Jeremy pushed down his smile, raising an eyebrow instead. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He sat up, pressing a kiss against the side of the boy’s neck. Michael’s lips trailed down to his collarbone as his hands came up to caress his sides, his stomach, his hips. He was halfway holding Jeremy in place on his lap, careful not to dump him on the floor as he admired the beautiful person in front of him. This continued for a while until Jeremy caught sight of the clock on the wall: it was nearing four o’clock in the morning.

“Michael,” Jeremy said softly, his hand tangled in the aforementioned boy’s hair.

“Hmm?” The boy murmured between kisses, resting his chin on Jeremy’s sternum and looking up, brown eyes locking on blue.

“I’m having a great time, really, I am. But it’s been a long day and it’s so late.”

“What time is it?”

“3:48.”

“Shit,” Michael said, craning his neck to look at the clock. He stared at it for a beat before realizing that he couldn’t read it. “Wait, where are my glasses?”

“On the floor. Where you left them.” Jeremy let out a small laugh at the pure look of confusion on the other boy’s face.

“When did that happen?”

“Not that long ago.”

“Oh. I must have been distracted.” He leaned up and pecked Jeremy’s lips before reclining back against the mattress. “Okay, yeah. Time for bed.”

“Time for bed,” Jeremy agreed. He collected his shirt and climbed off of the bed to go brush his teeth. “We should do that more. Much more.”

“I agree,” Michael spoke, not moving from his position.

-

Ten minutes later, both boys were nestled under the covers. Michael was curled around Jeremy like a question mark with their hands intertwined against the smaller boy’s stomach.

“I can’t believe everything that’s happened today,” Jeremy mused.

“Me neither,” he agreed, closing his eyes and pressing his nose against the other boy’s neck. “It’s been a long-ass day.”

“Yeah,” the blue-eyed boy hummed in agreement.

“So,” Michael began. “What happens next?”

“I need to come up with a plan for the SQUIP. Preferably tomorrow, once we’ve gotten some sleep.”

“You mean _we_ need to come up with a plan.”

“No way, you aren’t getting involved in this.” Jeremy tensed and Michael let out a short snort of a laugh.

“Yeah, right. Listen, I’m obviously not going to try to fight this guy. I’m not as dumb as some people-”

“Hey!” Jeremy laughed, sticking his elbow into Michael’s side. “I have superpowers, dude.”

“Sure, that’s helpful against the God of Electricity,” he responded easily, pressing a chaste kiss against Jeremy’s neck. “Anyway, two heads are better than one. I’m helping you, whether you like it or not. At least with your planning.”

Jeremy was silent: an acceptance of Michael’s offer.

Michael shrugged and said, “So we’ll brainstorm. And maybe make out some more?”

“Oh, we’ll definitely be making out some more,” Jeremy agreed readily. “Let’s just get some sleep. Figure this out tomorrow.”

“Sounds good,” Michael murmured in Jeremy’s ear. “Thanks for...letting me in, tonight. Finally.”

“Anytime. Thanks for saving my life.”

“Anytime,” he said, tightening his hold on the other boy as he let out a long breath. “Goodnight, Spider-Man.”

“Goodnight, Michael.”

Soft lava lamp lights ricocheted off of the walls, calming Jeremy enough to finally sleep in peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone!! it's your girl, back from a bender!
> 
> lol not really but i'm sorry i've been Absent. i got swept up in finals and then holidays and then writer's block but now i'm here so it's all good
> 
> thank you all so much for your patience with me as i try to complete this! it's the longest thing i've ever written (yeet)
> 
> anyway i hope you're all having nice lives and i hope everyone is somewhat healthy this flu season
> 
> also the title of this chapter was brought to you by the poem "private parts" by sarah kay
> 
> i don't know when the next chapter will be out (hopefully it won't take me two months lmao) but enjoy this non-smut yet lukewarm ~steamy romance~


	15. if i didn't believe in you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jeremy & michael need to make some decisions

Jeremy woke up slowly, his eyes heavy and his back bent. He stretched as much as he could without stirring Michael. Michael, who was still holding him. Michael, who was breathing softly against Jeremy’s neck. Beautiful, perfect Michael. His _boyfriend_.

What an odd term, that was. He ghosted a hand over the forearm against his torso. Jeremy still felt like this was all a dream. The events of the previous night came back to him as he considered how close he was to death, but none of that mattered now. Not now that Michael was here with him. Michael forgave him. Michael _liked_ him.

His boyfriend shifted slightly, sighing. He didn’t open his eyes, but spoke softly, “Good morning, beautiful.”

“Good morning to you, too,” Jeremy responded. He turned around to face the other boy and landed a spontaneous kiss on the tip of Michael’s nose. “How do you feel?”

His eyes fluttered open. “I’m okay. I should be asking you that question.”

“I’m alive and the most amazing guy ever is in my bed. I’d call that a win.”

“You’re a dork,” Michael said. He kissed Jeremy for a long moment before untangling their limbs. “We should get up. Gotta shower.”

“Yeah, alright. Lame.” Jeremy laid still while his best friend retreated from their perfect cocoon of blankets. “Do you want to go first?”

“I’m going to go make us a huge pot of coffee. Long day ahead.” Michael located his glasses on the bedside table and aligned them on his nose. “You can go first.”

The smaller boy rolled out of bed, catching himself at the last moment with his palms against the carpet. He pushed himself up and ran his fingers through his hair. He found Michael standing in the doorframe with an amused grin on his face. “What’s so funny?”

“Dude, you’re like a cat. I’ve never seen a human flip in mid-air like that.”

“I am not like a _cat_. My name is Spider-Man. _Spider_ -Man.”

“Yeah, alright. Whatever you say,” he shrugged. “Fuckin’ furry.”

Jeremy lobbed a pillow at the boy. He put his hands up in mock surrender before turning to leave.

Overall, the shower was nice. It was hard to concentrate on anything other than their night together and Jeremy’s hands wanted to wander but he kept his composure. There wasn’t time. Who knew what the SQUIP could be up to, even within the last twelve hours?

He washed his hair, scrubbed at his skin until he felt clean of the lake’s grime. He stepped out of the shower and into a soft towel. For the first time, Jeremy felt like things could potentially work out. Everything would be okay. Michael was smart, _really smart_ , and they could come up with a plan together. Jeremy would stop the SQUIP and Michael would be safe and all would be right in the world once more.

As he got dressed—again, in Michael’s clothes—he pondered the concept of being in a relationship with his best friend. Would he be mad at Jeremy’s vigilante business? Would he be okay with it for a while and then grow tired of the routine? Would he insist that Jeremy stop?

Would Jeremy stop?

He considered all of the stress and injuries and heartache that came along with his chosen life. He considered how close to death he’d been, how he had put the most important person in his life in danger. Jeremy thought about all of the nights of sleep he’d lost, all of the schoolwork he’d abandoned. Would he give it up if Michael asked?

No. He knew in that instant that he wouldn’t. Not even for Michael. He couldn’t give up his chance to help people, to do something worthwhile with his life.

It wasn’t all blood and fights and supervillains. Sometimes it was a little kid who needed a friend. Sometimes it was a girl who needed a companion for the walk home. And, admittedly, the fights could be pretty cool.

He wouldn’t give up soaring through the sky, putting all of his trust into the physics of his powers. Watching the sunset from the top of a skyscraper. Standing on the side of a building, seeing the world from a new angle every single day.

He couldn’t stop, not after having a taste of that wonder. He could never go back to the life he had before and be content. So, maybe things would be different now. He would never be Original Jeremy again. Hopefully Michael would be okay with that.

He left the bathroom and found the aforementioned boy sitting on the bed. “Hey,” he said, shoving his hand into the pocket of his too-big sweatpants. “Can we talk?”

Michael straightened up at this, putting his phone down immediately. “Of course. What’s up?”

“There’s something you need to know before we can keep doing...this.” He gestured between them with a small wave.

“So, spit it out,” Michael said. He was nervous but trying not to show it, even though Jeremy knew him well enough to deduce this.

“I’m not going to give up Spider-Man. I’m sorry if that’s a problem, but—”

“Jeremy, I wouldn’t ask that of you.”

“Really?”

The taller boy shook his head immediately. “Absolutely not. He’s a part of you, I get it. I mean, I don’t _fully_ get it, but I can understand. I wouldn’t ask you to stop.”

“But you seemed so upset last night, I just thought…I don’t know what I thought.”

“I was upset because you almost died. I was upset about the secrets and the lies and everything. I’m absolutely not upset about Spider-Man. Of course, I’d like you to try not to be so close to death again, but other than that, we’re good.” Michael reached out to clasp Jeremy’s hand. “Spider-Man is actually really cool. He’s even cooler now that I know it’s you.”

“Okay,” Jeremy said, letting out a long breath and grinning. “So, that’s everything, then. Everything is now officially out in the open.

“Good,” Michael smiled. He pulled at the other boy so that his chest was pressed to Jeremy’s waist. “I’m glad we’ve sorted it all out.”

“Me too.” He leaned down to kiss his best friend again and the world fell silent.

\--

As Michael left to take his shower, Jeremy wandered to the kitchen to find the coffee-pot already finished with its job. He filled up his favorite mug (one from the aquarium in Baltimore, one of their weekend vacations from years ago) and sat down at the table. They needed to figure out the SQUIP’s plan. Why had he wanted Jeremy out of the way so desperately? What was he going to do, now that he thought Spider-Man was gone? Jeremy was almost positive that it had something to do with the weird computer-capsule he’d taken. That had definitely seemed to be a catalyst for the SQUIP’s annoyance with him. But if that were the case, what was the pill supposed to do? And why didn’t it work on Jeremy?

There were too many variables involved. This was too big of a problem for a couple of teenagers to solve, right? There had to be someone in charge who could stop him, someone like the police or—or the president, right? He just needed to get in contact with them and put it into their hands. That was all.

Except. No. That’s not how these things worked. Jeremy knew that. He watched the news. If those in power had been efficient in protecting the world, then masked vigilantes wouldn’t exist. Besides, he was sure that he was the only one who could take down the SQUIP. The villain had said so himself, right? Back when they first met...

_“Because, Jeremy, you're the only hero who seems to have a chance at stopping me. Now, I know you want to. But I can tell that you aren't going to. We wouldn't want anything to...happen.”_

What made him so special? He was just some kid from Jersey who could swing from webs.

He was torn from his thoughts when a sharp vibration splintered the peace of the morning. His phone was buzzing. Jeremy reached forward, the hair on the back of his neck standing on end. A shiver ran up his spine and before he could even read the caller ID, he knew. Almost as if on autopilot, he answered the phone.

“Ah, Jeremy. Pleasant surprise to see you’re still alive.” The man’s smile could be heard through the line.

“What do you want?” He wasn’t sure how he was speaking, but his voice came out more clear than he expected.

“I’ll tell you what I want, Jeremy. I want you to listen to me. If you leave now, you and Michael, I won’t hurt either of you. Let me carry on and I will allow you the same courtesy.”

“And what if I don’t?”

“You _do not_ want get in my way, kid. You and I both know who’s in danger if you do.” And with that, the SQUIP hung up.

Jeremy pulled the phone away from his ear, his hand numb and his heart racing. He had to interfere but if he did, how could he possibly keep Michael safe? Especially if the SQUIP found out that Michael was involved now. He let out a long breath and placed his phone back on the table. The SQUIP had him backed up against a corner. What else could he do?

A soft voice carried into the kitchen. “Jere?”

He cleared his throat, attempting some semblance of normalcy. “Y-Yeah?”

“What happened?” Michael was leaning against the counter, arms crossed.

“He called me,” Jeremy said. He rubbed at his eyes, feeling the panic set in. “He told me to stay out of his way.”

“Right, but isn’t that just what he’s supposed to do? He’s a supervillain. It’s not surprising, is it?”

“He offered us safety. He offered _you_ safety.” The smaller boy cradled his head in his hands. What was he supposed to do? He was just a kid.

“Jere, you cannot possibly be considering this. We have to fight, we have to take him down. Who knows what he’s capable of?” Michael’s hands came to rest on his best friend’s shoulders, gently massaging.

“I know he’s capable of killing you.” Jeremy shook his head. “We can’t. I can’t. If we leave, he can’t hurt you.”

“If we leave, he can hurt everyone else.”

“You don’t get it,” he mumbled. “If we stay and I fail, he’ll hurt everyone _including you_. At least this way, I could know that you’ll be okay. We’d be together.”

“So don’t fail,” Michael shrugged, urging Jeremy’s hands into his own. “He’s threatening you because he’s scared. If you couldn’t beat him, then he wouldn’t bother.”

“This is too much,” Jeremy said, his eyes wild. “I can’t.”

“You can,” Michael spoke softly, pressing a kiss to the other boy’s forehead. He pushed a strand of hair away. “I know it’s a lot and you’re just a teenager and it’s shitty. But it’s the right thing to do. And I believe in you.”

“I don’t believe in me,” he responded, but his shoulders slumped in relaxation.

“It’s a good thing you don’t have to,” Michael smiled. “You just have to believe in him.”

“Who?”

“Spider-Man, you dork. I know you don’t think you can do it, but you should trust that _he_ can.”

“I can’t believe that you’re telling me to put you in danger.” Jeremy looked up at the taller boy with a bittersweet smile.

“I trust you. Besides, you’ve been in constant danger for months and I had no idea,” he shrugged. “Let’s share it this time.”

Jeremy leaned up to kiss Michael, closing his eyes. After they broke apart, he said, “So. We better have a hell of a plan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone! as always, thank you so much for reading! i actually have a really solid plan for here on out, so i'm hoping to finish this fic relatively soon! i'm in the home stretch! 
> 
> please leave a comment if you like this! they motivate me so much and brighten my day more than you know! i love y'all & i'll see you in the next chapter!


	16. iscariot you fool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jeremy and michael figure out how to take down the squip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone. this is awkward. i'm so sorry it's been so long since i posted. i was super busy working this summer and then all of a sudden school started and college is HARD y'all. i've also started my screenwriting program and after writing screenplays for so long it's been hard to get back in the swing of fanfiction. i can't promise that the next chapters will be up in a timely manner but i'm going to try my hardest. 
> 
> thank you all for your patience and support, i love you guys! i hope you enjoy this chapter!

The entire afternoon was spent with notebooks strewn across the bedroom and laptops open with reckless abandon. Michael was lying on his stomach, pondering his phone screen with his eyebrows creased and his head aching. Jeremy was resting his neck on the small of Michael’s back, eyes closed and heart racing.

“Are we still against running away?” Jeremy sighed in exaggeration.

“Still going to be a solid no on that one, dude. We can figure this out. Look, I have a plan. Or maybe it’s more like half of a plan, but it’s coming along.”

Jeremy sat up, leaning forward to examine Michael’s notes. “What are you thinking?”

“So, I asked the fanpage for help-”

“The _what_?”

Michael looked at him as if he was maybe a little dumb and said, “Jeremy, did you forget that I made a whole-ass fanpage for you?”

Jeremy felt his cheeks heating up. Oh. That. “No, I didn’t forget, I guess I just. Just blocked it out, or something.”

“What, are you embarrassed?” Michael said with a teasing edge to his voice. He loved to egg the other boy on and see how cute he was when he got flustered.

“No, it’s just...I have fans. That’s a little scary.”

“Well, don’t get too cocky. They aren’t Jeremy Heere fans, they’re Spider-Man fans. They don’t even know you exist, dude.”

“And that’s the way it should be,” he responded with a small laugh. “Anyway. What was your point?”

“My point?” Michael had forgotten entirely. He turned onto his back and propped his head up on his crossed arms. “Oh, right. The plan. I asked the fanpage for help tracking down information on the SQUIP. I thought that three-thousand minds would be better than two.”

“There are three-thousand fans? Are you shitting me, Michael?” Jeremy put his head in his hands. “So those are all the people I’m in danger of letting down?”

“It doesn’t matter because you aren’t going to.” Michael reached up to pull Jeremy’s hands down from his face and held them gently in his own. “Hey, when I said I believed in you, I meant it. You got this. We’re going to fix this together.”

The smaller boy let out a breath and shrugged. “Fine. Okay. Whatever you say.” He leant down for a quick kiss, which Michael happily obliged.

After they broke apart, he went on to explain his plan once more. Michael sat up to level himself with Jeremy. “So the fans were able to track down this guy named Sebastian Iscariot. Apparently, he was a scientist who used to work for the SQUIP. He went rogue a while back and he’s been trying to get some sort of message out, but the SQUIP keeps blocking him somehow.”

“Sebastian Iscariot? Were you able to find him?” Jeremy asked with great intrigue.

“I tracked him down. I sent him an email but I haven’t heard back yet. I asked him what he knew about the SQUIP and the pill he was interested in developing.”

“So, what now? We just have to wait and see if he responds?” Jeremy wasn’t especially fond of the concept of sitting around and doing nothing while the SQUIP was out wreaking havoc.

“I don't know what else we can do. I mean, if this Sebastian guy is devoted to getting his message out, I’m sure we’ll hear from him.” Michael cleared his throat and added, “Besides, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go out there without knowing what the SQUIP really wants.”

“Maybe I could distract him. Keep him occupied, y’know?” His blue eyes lit up and the prospect of actually _doing_ _something_ and he began to ramble. “What if I caught up to him and used myself as a block? He’d have to get through me before he could even begin to worry about the pills.”

The bigger boy shook his head. “No, Jeremy, listen,” he begged. “Do you hear yourself? You just want to go up against the SQUIP as a simple distraction? Not as an end to this fight?”

“Whatever I have to do to give you more time to figure this out.”

“No, Jere. _No_.” Michael let out a long breath and met Jeremy’s eyes. “I’m not letting you fight him again without a plan. He almost killed you. You could be dead right now.”

“But I’m not—”

“He almost _killed_ you, Jeremy. Do you understand? I can’t lose you. I can’t.” Michael took off his glasses to rub at his eyes for a moment. “If you insist on confronting him with some impulsive vigilante action, that isn’t going to work. We need to be smart about this.”

Jeremy sighed. He knew Michael was right, as much as it pained him to admit it. He was itching for a fight, itching for this to be over. But it was true that if he just started throwing punches, that wouldn’t solve anything. They had to have a plan.

He needed to stop being an impulsive teenager and start acting like a superhero.

“Sorry. You’re right,” he amended, taking Michael’s hand in his own. “You’re so smart. If I had let you in sooner, you could have solved all of this by now.”

“I doubt that but I’ll take the compliment,” the other boy grinned, pressing a small kiss against Jeremy’s pale cheek. “I know you’re anxious. We just need to wait on this final puzzle piece before making our move, okay?”

“Yeah, okay,” he nodded. Jeremy ran his free hand through his hair and said, “Michael?” At his best friend’s hum of acknowledgement, he said, “Thank you for helping me.”

“I’d do anything for you, you know that,” Michael said sincerely. The sweetness in his voice made Jeremy’s stomach do aerobatics.

In the middle of the moment, Michael’s laptop produced a _ding!_ Both of the boys stalled completely to look over.

“Do you think that’s—”

“It could be,” Michael said, fumbling to put on his glasses and open his email at the same time. His eyes scanned the page frantically. “It’s him. He wants to Skype and gave me his username. Says he can’t risk sending anything over email.”

“Oh my god, call him, call him,” Jeremy spoke.

“On it,” Michael responded. He was already frantically typing the scientist’s information into his computer. A moment later, the line was ringing. Jeremy and Michael arranged themselves into a respectable seating position, with their legs folded underneath them. The line rang and rang and rang and then:

A man picked up. The first notable feature was his wild blonde hair, wisps sticking up all over the place. He had bright green eyes and laugh lines, but the dark lighting of his room made both of those things seem much more sinister than they were. He was younger than Jeremy had been expecting. However, maybe that was just the fault of pop-culture for instilling a very different idea of “mad scientist” into his brain. Sebastian was wearing a gray sweatshirt and held onto a file folder in front of the webcam.

“Mr. Iscariot?” Michael ventured, looking for a response.

“Mr. Mell, nice to meet you. Prove to me you aren’t working with the SQUIP,” the man responded instantly. He didn’t blink.

“Um,” Michael said.

Jeremy cut in, “I’m Jeremy, sir. I recently...crossed paths with the SQUIP. He tried to drown me.” He could almost feel Michael stiffen at the mention of the incident. However, it seemed to appease Sebastian. He studied the two closely for another moment before his posture relaxed ever-so-slightly.

“Why?”

“Um,” Jeremy began uncertainty. “I’ve been...in his way, recently. I took one of the pills.”

“You took one?” Sebastian’s eyebrows raised towards his forehead. “And you’re okay?”

“Apparently,” he shrugged. He looked to Michael, who was eyeing him with suspicion.

“Why wouldn’t he be okay? What’s the pill for?” Michael prompted.

Sebastian licked his lips, eyes shifting to each corner of the room. “I started working for the SQUIP years ago. He needed my help in developing a completely new technology. He said it would change the way the world works. I-I didn’t know any better at the time. I was young, I had just gotten my first job in a lab. I thought I should just do what he wanted.”

“What did he want?” Jeremy asked. He chewed on his lower lip nervously.

“He wanted something akin to, well, mind control.”

Jeremy sucked in a deep breath and Michael’s brown eyes widened. “What do you mean, mind control?” Michael asked.

“The SQUIP wanted to put a piece of himself in this pill, part of his being. We used a bit of his DNA and supplemented with some of his cognitive processes. The other part of the pill was a neurotransmitter. Something to send and receive messages.”

“The SQUIP had you build a mind control device and you just went with it?” Jeremy asked indignantly. His hands turned to fists out of view of the webcam, his eyes narrowing at the man.

“I didn’t want to. It didn’t feel right. Around the time that he started bringing in test subjects, I backed out. I couldn’t do it anymore. We never perfected the technology, though. I never helped him finish it.”

“But I did,” Jeremy mumbled, unfurling his fists. He could scream. He couldn’t believe he had been so stupid. “I helped him with his tests. I was his willing subject.”

“What are you talking about, boy?” Sebastian asked, his green eyes darkening.

“I’m Spider-Man,” he blurted out. Michael pawed at Jeremy’s hand, trying to warn him to stop, but he didn’t. “He was blackmailing me and he had me work with him. He would make me show him how my powers worked and how much I could do. Then, he made me take a pill. He said I would be his test subject. Nothing happened, though, and I think that’s what pissed him off. After that, he tried to kill me.”

Sebastian tilted his head, analyzing Jeremy through the screen. It was uncomfortable. It felt all too vulnerable. Then, he spoke. “Good.”

“Excuse me?” Michael questioned with an edge in his voice.

“If I had to guess, I’d say he knew his mind control doesn’t work on you because of your powers. I imagine that’s why he was so interested in learning about you, so he could figure out how to beat you. But it still didn’t work, even when he updated the technology and made you try it. He wouldn’t have been so invested in getting rid of you if he didn’t think you were a threat.”

“I guess that makes sense. If he could get rid of me, then it wouldn’t matter whether or not the pill worked on me.”

“Precisely.” Sebastian squared his shoulders and said, “I’d wager that he was hoping to turn you into a soldier for him. Someone as powerful as you, under his command? He’d really be unstoppable. When that didn’t work, he had to figure out a new plan.”

Jeremy swallowed. He could have been turned into some mindless drone. He shook away the thoughts and inquired, “So, what do you think his plan is?”

“Oh, I know what his plan is. It’s been his plan from the start,” Sebastian said darkly. “I was just too stupid to see it. He wants to distribute the pills as some kind of supplement. Control the masses. Then, he can control the city.”

Jeremy countered with, “Who would be stupid enough to fall for that?”

“Oh shit,” said Michael, having worked it out for himself. He stood up quickly and ran to his desk, rummaging through the stacks of paper on top of it. He found a newspaper from the day before and held it up, flipping through the pages quickly. “Shit.”

“What is it, Mr. Mell?” Sebastian intoned.

“Here, right here,” he pointed out the article to Jeremy. “Some hot-shot doctor is offering a free sample of a new vitamin. He swears by it, says it improved his life. He personally vouches for it and...so does the FDA? They’re working on pushing it through the necessary trials. Why would they do that, if they know it’s not a vitamin?”

Jeremy raised a brow and said, “The SQUIP’s threatening them, I’ll bet.”

“A bunch of _federal_ employees are scared of one guy?”

“He can be very...convincing,” the smaller boy said, the words caught in his throat. Michael noticed and rested a hand on his shoulder to comfort him.

“Where is this free vitamin being distributed?” Sebastian asked.

“Town Hall Center. During the Inventor’s Expo,” Michael read aloud. “Holy shit, it’s happening this afternoon. They’re unveiling the pill at the end. All of New Jersey will be there.”

Sebastian sighed. “Looks like Spider-Man will be, too.”

Jeremy nodded. “Thanks for all of your help, Mr. Iscariot. I’ll put an end to this.”

“I know you will. It’s too bad that you’re a kid, though. God, I thought Spider-Man would be an adult.”

“Tell me about it,” Michael quipped.

“This shouldn't fall on your shoulders. I’m sorry it does, Jeremy,” Sebastian mused. “You’re a much braver man than I was back then.”

“Thank you, Mr. Iscariot.” Jeremy gave a solemn nod.

The call ended and Michael turned to Jeremy. He wrapped his arms around the lanky boy, burying his face in his neck. “God, Jeremy,” he breathed. “I can’t believe this is your life.”

“Me neither,” he said softly. He squeezed Michael a little tighter and added, “Guess I better go suit up. I need to take this guy down before the Expo is over.”

They broke apart and Michael perked up. “Jere, what if your plan earlier was actually on the right track? The whole distraction technique?”

“What do you mean?” Jeremy asked, tilting his head in the way that the other boy found adorable.

“What if you distract him long enough for me to get a message out?”

“Are you talking about the fanpage?”

Michael nodded enigmatically. “If I can warn three-thousand people and tell them to pass it on, we may have less of a problem than we thought.”

“You’re a genius,” Jeremy complimented before kissing him. “You do that. Make sure no one takes the pill. I’ll take care of the SQUIP.” He turned on his heel to leave but Michael caught his arm easily.

“Be careful, please,” he requested, a tinge of sadness to his voice. “I want to see you in one piece when this is all over.”

“Of course,” Jeremy promised. “Anything for you.”

One kiss later, he was suited up and heading for Town Hall Center.


	17. fight like hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jeremy makes a stand against the squip

As the teenager made his way towards the epicenter of all chaos, he considered what awaited him. The SQUIP was too powerful to let go, he knew that. But it wasn’t like the city could just throw the villain in jail, either. No cell could contain him. Jeremy wasn’t naive enough to believe otherwise. Which only left him with one option if he truly wanted to stop the man in his tracks.

Could Jeremy kill him? Did he have that in him? He wasn’t sure. He’d only been responsible for one death, that of the super-strong man on the boat. And he hadn’t coped with that well at all. God, that felt like years ago. It was hard to believe it had been mere weeks since the incident. He hadn’t intended to kill anyone, he didn’t know that would happen. But, god, planning to kill someone? That just seemed so horrible. Could he go through with it? He wasn’t sure. Who was he to decide who should live and who should die?

But the facts of the matter were clear: the SQUIP wouldn’t stop hunting him, hunting Michael, until he was gone. And he had made it clear that he wouldn’t spare the city from his plan. He’d even attempted murder in order to get away with it. In a battle of Jeremy vs. the SQUIP, if it was one or the other, then the choice was obvious. He needed to do this. Even if it compromised his values. He prided the safety of his city and his best friend over his own moral dilemma.

When Jeremy approached the Town Hall Center, he could already tell that whatever Michael had done had worked. People were leaving the Expo left and right even though the main event hadn’t happened yet. The “vitamins” were set to be distributed in another hour. The celebrity doctor promised boosted immunities and positive impacts for everyone, all for free. People had flocked in order to be there. However, as Jeremy walked towards the building, tons of people were walking out in haste. A few citizens cast him odd looks but he straightened his shoulders and continued up the staircase.

In an instant, he was aware that the SQUIP knew who was responsible for this disinterest from the public. A piece of brick from the roof of the Center dropped down above him. Jeremy jumped out of the way quickly and looked up to see the SQUIP perched on the edge of the roof above him. So that’s how this was going to go.

He steeled himself and shot a web to the top of the building, landing on the side opposite the villain. Powerlines danced above the roof in the wind and Jeremy made a note to avoid them.

“You told them,” the SQUIP growled, his coat whipping around behind him. His eyes were glowing red, but the color was darker than what Jeremy had seen before. It used to be more of a scarlet, the color of warning. But this. This was blood.

Clouds covered the sky, casting deep shadows on the SQUIP’s face. His shoulders were straight as he stared into Jeremy’s soul. He looked truly menacing, but Jeremy couldn’t be scared away. Not anymore.

“I didn’t,” he called back. That wasn’t a lie: he hadn’t done anything. Michael had stepped up to the plate and accomplished an incredible feat. Nevertheless, he countered with, “Maybe they just aren’t as dumb as you thought.”

“I did the work, Jeremy, I put in the effort. I did what I had to do to get the endorsement of New Jersey’s favorite doctor. I did what I had to do to get the FDA to back me. I _worked_ for this.” He curled his hands into fists at his side. “And then you just had to get involved.”

“You can’t mind-control the population, okay? That’s not a thing I can let go.” Jeremy braced himself for what he knew was coming.

“I offered you immunity, you and Michael both. Why didn’t you just take it? You know how much I hate getting my hands dirty.”

A live powerline zipped past his head. It hit the barrier of the roof behind him and sparked against the stone. Jeremy let out a breath and got closer to the SQUIP. “It doesn’t have to be like this. We could stop everything right now. So your pill didn’t work, who cares? You can still go back to a normal life.”

“Don’t you get it Jeremy? I’ve put everything into that pill! Everything!”

Jeremy had a faint recollection of Sebastian Iscariot’s words. He’d said something about the SQUIP’s cognitive processes and DNA being inside of those pills, right? “What happens if no one takes those pills? All of your power just sits there?”

“It’s already leaving me, Jeremy, I can feel it!” The SQUIP yelled. “It’s all your fault!”

“Even if you kill me up here, you’ll never get people to trust you. No one would ever willingly let you _invade_ their brains.” The SQUIP seethed and lobbed a brick at Jeremy’s head. He held up an arm to stop it, collapsing the stone with his strength. “You’re going to have to try harder than that,” Jeremy boasted with faux confidence.

“If you say so,” the SQUIP shrugged.

Faster than he could blink, Jeremy could hear glass shattering. The windows from the Center burst out of their frames. He couldn’t hear them landing on the asphalt below, though, so he was disoriented for a moment. Then, he could hear everything.

It was all clinking in the air, being pulled together into a large bouquet of sharp glass. The SQUIP’s hand was raised high and he gave a half-hearted laugh. “Surprise,” he murmured. He pushed his palm forward and glass was flying at Jeremy. It was fast, but he was faster. He twisted and jumped and ducked until the debris was clattering to the ground behind him. Jeremy was too caught up in his victory to notice another rather large shard coming his way. He tried to dodge it, but it was too late. The glass collided with his torso, piercing his side.

“Fuck,” the teenager gasped through clenched teeth. The pain was intense, digging into his stomach. He thought he might throw up. Slowly but surely, though, he stood up straighter. His hand put pressure on the wound and he took a few even breaths.

He was fine. This would be over soon enough.

He was vaguely aware of the crowd gathering below. New Jersey’s very own super-fight? Of course people were interested. And now that the SQUIP’s plans had been leaked to the population, everyone in the city was rooting for the good guy to triumph evil. Jeremy risked a look into the crowd and saw a familiar red hoodie.

Oh, no. He’d told Michael to stay away. He needed Michael to be as far from the danger as possible.

“What’s the matter, Jeremiah? Love on the brain?” The SQUIP jabbed, surprising the boy from behind and throwing him onto the ground. He braced himself for the landing but it didn’t do much as he hurtled into the barrier. He winced, clutching his wound. Blood leaked out at a steady pace, but he couldn’t think about that right now. The SQUIP stood above him with a menacing grin. “There’s something you don’t seem to understand, kid.”

“What’s that?” Jeremy coughed.

“I don’t need anyone to willingly take the pill. No one is powerful enough to resist me. They’ll all give in, eventually. When loved ones are in trouble, the human tends to lose all sense of rationale. I mean, look at you.” Jeremy started to get up but was stopped by the SQUIP’s polished shoe on his chest. “The only thing holding me back is you, Jeremy.”

“I won’t let you hurt them,” he countered, struggling against the SQUIP’s force. Slowly but surely, he got a hold on the villain’s foot and pushed him away. It bought him enough time to scramble back to his feet. “You’re going to have to kill me first.”

“I’m so glad we’re on the same page,” the man grinned, levitating an abandoned pole from the powerline he’d used earlier. In the air, he snapped it into three pieces and sent them all at Jeremy.

Jeremy dodged the first one with ease but couldn’t get his bearings quickly enough to avoid the second one. It knocked him off balance while the third one beat into his chest. The pain made him dizzy and his lungs were screaming out for air, but he couldn’t get any. He was vaguely aware of the injury in his side pulsing, but there was nothing he could do about it in the moment. He’d never faced anyone remotely as powerful at this before. He grudgingly rolled the pieces of wood off of himself and stood back up.

“When are you going to learn to just stay down?” The SQUIP enunciated. “None of this would be happening to you if you had just died when I planned for you to.”

“Sorry to disappoint,” he responded before casting a web at a chunk of wood and swinging it at the SQUIP. It just barely caught the man in the side of the head but it was enough to shift his balance. Taking his advantage, Jeremy threw a web at the man’s leg and pulled his feet out from under him.

Not to be dissuaded for long, the SQUIP raised up a few pieces of stone that had crumbled in debris from the battle. He threw them all at Jeremy, who got out of the way. He took only a few hits, one to the nose and another to his arm. He could feel blood running from his nose and he was pretty sure that the bone was broken, but his adrenaline was enough to keep him from feeling it too badly. He’d accrued enough injuries to last him a lifetime. His arm ached, but it was fine. Fine enough to run at the SQUIP and throw a punch directly at his jaw.

The SQUIP avoided the blow and got a tight hold on Jeremy’s wrist. He pushed Jeremy to the ground once more, placing his shoe directly on top of the boy’s forearm. Oh, no.

The villain bent down with a sadistic gleam in his eye, reaching out for Jeremy’s hand.

“No,” he breathed, but it was too late. The SQUIP twisted his index finger, blinding pain shooting up his arm. Next was his middle finger, then his ring finger. Finally, he couldn’t take the pain anymore. He screamed as the man broke his pinky and then his thumb, his voice seeming foreign even to his own ears. “No, stop, please,” he panted.

“You want me to stop?” The SQUIP dictated softly. “That’s sweet. I’ll stop.” In a flash, his hand released the hero. However, Jeremy could feel pressure building against his throat. Damn the SQUIP’s telekinesis. It wasn’t like he could fight against an invisible force. The pressure on his throat grew tighter and tighter until he felt himself being pulled upwards. The SQUIP had both hands raised in the air, directed at the teenager. He lifted him up by his neck, dangling him above the ground, and moved to the side of the building. He positioned Jeremy so that he was directly above the crowd.

Jeremy struggled, his uninjured hand clawing at the crushing force around his throat, to no avail. He couldn’t breathe. He was wheezing and _he couldn’t breathe._ Is this really how he would go out? Hanging in the sky above the people he’d tried so desperately to protect?

“Is this your hero?” The SQUIP called down to the crowd of onlookers. To Michael, who Jeremy knew was watching. He didn’t need to see this. “This boy who’s so weak he can’t even help his own people? Can’t even take a few broken bones?”

A few people gasped as Jeremy kicked against the side of the building, anything to try to distance himself from the SQUIP’s power. He was stuck.

A familiar voice came from the crowd. “Leave him alone!”

The hero closed his eyes and focused on the voice. It was his best friend, his boyfriend, coming to his defense. Even in a situation like this, Michael had his back.

“Ah, Michael Mell. I knew you must be around here somewhere. He’s been thinking about you, you know.” The villain flashed a toothy smile and lifted Jeremy even higher. He couldn’t breathe for real now, his vision fading at the edges. “I’ll leave him alone if you come take his place.”

“Don’t...touch...him,” Jeremy gasped. He lifted an arm just enough to send a web at the SQUIP’s face. In his surprise from the attack, he dropped the boy.

“Spider-Man!” Someone in the crowd yelled as he became limp and began to fall. In an instant, he regained a sense of his surroundings and caught his unbroken hand on the side of the Town Hall Center. He rested his head against the brick, letting oxygen return to his brain, as he slowly climbed back towards the roof. He could use only his feet and one arm, his muscles screaming at the pressure. His injured hand hung uselessly at his side. He gritted his teeth as he felt the tearing pain in his side, in his ribs.

The crowd cheered. Jeremy wouldn’t let them down. He couldn’t.

He climbed higher and higher until he was back on top of the building, vaulting himself over the barrier and landing on his feet in front of the SQUIP.

“Nice try,” he rasped.

The SQUIP cocked his head and began rubbing his hands together. “Oh, we’re just getting started, Jeremy. Don’t forget, I know everything about your powers. I know that silly little projectiles can’t keep you down.”

What the hell was that supposed to mean? Jeremy kept his eyes focused on the SQUIP as he relied on his other heightened senses to help him out. He needed to detect this danger before it hit him. He focused on the feeling of the air, making hair raise up on the back of his neck. Oh, shit.

In an instant, a bolt of electricity was flying at him. He flipped in the air to avoid it, landing on all fours. The electricity ricocheted into the powerline behind him, letting off a few huge sparks. He stepped away from the heat and got closer to the SQUIP.

“Electricity? Really? You’ll need more than that to get to me,” he spoke. The wind was really whipping up now and so was the crowd. News stations were arriving.

“How nice,” the SQUIP called. “The news can do a segment about your death. Spread the mourning all through the country.”

“You think some electricity can kill me?” It very well could, actually, but Jeremy didn’t want to think about that right now. “I’m not afraid of you.”

“Oh, yes you are.” Damn it. Jeremy hadn’t taken into account the SQUIP’s mind-reading powers. Of course he could tell how fucking terrified he was. “Jeremiah, this could all be over. It could all end so easily.”

He let out another bolt of electricity, this one shocking the teenager’s legs. They fell out from under him and he collapsed to the hard cement. As he collected himself, though, something unprecedented happened.

The SQUIP lost his balance. He didn’t fall, not completely, but he flinched. His legs were unsteady and he had to catch himself on the stone barrier.

 _Interesting_ , Jeremy thought. He could test this theory further. Scientifically minded as he was, he immediately formed half of a hypothesis.

Electricity could hurt him but it also hurt the SQUIP, apparently. So, if he were hit by the energy, then it would be as effective as actually hitting the villain himself. However, a problem presented itself. This wasn’t a hypothesis that he could exactly test out indefinitely. Either he was right or he wasn’t. In order to risk something so big, Jeremy needed to be more sure of the effects.

Braving the incoming bolt, he egged on the SQUIP once more. “C’mon, it’s like you aren’t even trying to hit me.” As he expected, another flash of energy hurtled towards him. He let it hit his arm, crying out at the pain. Jeremy fell back against the roof’s barrier, cradling his arm to his chest.

He observed the SQUIP, who was also rubbing at his own arm. This couldn’t be a coincidence, Jeremy decided. He knew what he had to do in an instant. There was only one way to permanently stop the villain.

But Michael.

He couldn’t do this to Michael, could he? He couldn’t knowingly electrocute himself to death. Not with Michael watching. He chewed his lower lip, heart thumping in his chest. His body ached, his head hurt. He could barely breathe. He needed to end this, once and for all.

The SQUIP had told him plainly: if Spider-Man died, then his evil plans could carry on. Jeremy couldn’t let that happen. Michael would have to understand, he would have to forgive him. This was the only way.

Jeremy picked himself up, brushed the debris from his suit, and sauntered towards the SQUIP. For the first time, he had the upper hand. For the first time, he felt like he could win.

_Don’t think about Michael. Don’t think about Michael at the funeral. Don’t think about the promise to come back in one piece. Don’t think about never kissing him again. Don’t don’t don’t don’t._

Jeremy breathed in. Out. He kept walking towards the villain. “You have one last chance to stop. One last chance to give up.”

The SQUIP laughed. “Really, kid? You think you scare me? Look at you! Your suit’s torn to pieces, you’re bleeding, you’re _weak_. I don’t have a scratch. So, what, now you’re trying to bluff your way out of this?”

“No,” the teen responded. He said in the calmest voice he could muster, “I’m going to stop you.”

“Oh yeah? That’s optimistic of you, Jeremiah.” He tilted his head and his eyes glistened with hope. “Here’s what’s going to happen: I’m going to finish this up. You’re going to die. Then your little friend, Michael, is going to be next. He’ll watch you die. I won’t make him take the pill. I’ll just put him out of his misery.”

Jeremy growled but stayed silent. _Don’t think about Michael watching. Don’t think about Michael._

“Then,” the SQUIP continued, “Everyone is going to do as I say. They’ll take the pill. I’ll control their consciousness. They’ll all be able to do my bidding and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. Face it, Spider-Man. I won.” He stepped closer to Jeremy, his imposing figure looming. “You lost and I won.”

“I don’t think so,” Jeremy spat. “I know something you don’t.”

“Oh, please, do share.”

Jeremy smiled underneath the mask, and he knew that the SQUIP could feel his pride. “That pill that you gave me didn’t work, not for your purposes. But you know what it did do? It gave me a piece of you. And I think that when you were making it, you messed up. You put too big a piece of yourself inside.” The SQUIP looked like he didn’t quite understand, so Jeremy continued. “And, sure, my powers can’t fight against electricity. But neither can yours. The part of me that’s you gets hurt whenever I do.”

“Sure, let’s say your little theory is correct. Maybe you can hurt me. But I’m immortal. Nothing can kill me.” The SQUIP’s lips curled into a twisted grin but his voice sounded nervous now. On edge. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking. Nevertheless, Jeremy kept talking.

“You _were_ immortal, that’s true. Until you started to share your consciousness with me. Until those neurotransmitters in the pill started working both ways. I think the problem you’re facing here is that you’re a little bit more human than you were before you made me take your pill.”

“No, that’s not—”

“So, it stands to reason that anything that can hurt me can hurt you. And, of course, anything that can kill me can kill you.” Jeremy could tell from the look on the SQUIP’s face that he had him. He’d outsmarted him. “Mutually beneficial, right? I help you, you help me...I die, you die.”

“What are you going to do, Jeremiah? Kill yourself?” The SQUIP let out a half-hearted cackle. He really thought that Jeremy wasn’t willing to do what was necessary.

“If I have to,” he said. He planted his feet and looked at the nearby electrical powerline. “I’ll do whatever it takes to get rid of you.”

“Don’t be an idiot, Jeremy. Think of your family. Think of Michael.”

“He’ll understand,” he said simply. He knew his best friend well enough by now. The boy would be sad, he’d be pissed, but he would forgive him. He would always forgive him, in the end. No matter how badly Jeremy fucked up. And this? Well, this wasn’t a mistake. It had to be done.

“He won’t,” the SQUIP continued. “I can feel him, down there, waiting. He can’t really see what’s happening. But he’s scared. He’s so scared that you’ll let him down.”

“Shut up,” Jeremy dictated confidently. “I won’t be letting him down. The only one who’s going to suffer is you.”

“Jeremy, wait, let’s—”

The teenager licked his lips, savoring the moment. He felt good. He felt powerful. He was ready. “I’ll see you in hell,” he said.

In a flash, he flung a web to the powerline above and pressed his hands against the cord. He could feel the energy pulsing through his arms and into his body. His chest hurt. His heart hurt. He let out a scream, the pain coursing through his consciousness and tough façade. He gathered himself long enough to glance at the SQUIP, who was on the ground. He was clawing at his face, pain evident in his features. He rolled on the cement, eyes squeezed shut.

Now that he knew his plan had worked, he could rest. He let his eyes close, succumbing to the agony. Jeremy felt himself falling through the air after letting go of the cable, his hands unable to comply any longer. He couldn’t move his body, he couldn’t speak, he couldn’t do anything. As he approached the ground, the last thing he registered was his best friend’s voice shouting, “No!” Anguish was evident in the voice, but he couldn’t think about that right now. It was over. It was all over.

Everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had so much fun writing this chapter! i hope you all enjoy! remember that kudos and comments make my life better :-)


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